Following multiple unconfirmed reports, local woman Katie Walters has come forward, admitting the truth through an Instagram post of herself with her new haircut and the caption “Yes, I have bangs”. This revelation has sent shock waves through the community, with family and friends all wondering the same thing: how did it come to this?
Even those who considered themselves close to Walters are stunned by the news. Her childhood best friend, Gabrielle Shownen, says Walters is now unrecognizable to her. “She used to be such a great friend. I can’t believe something like this could happen to someone like her. And with her face shape? It’s a disgrace.”
Walters’ parents were unavailable for comment, as they had disconnected their phone line and, when The Sundial stopped by their home, were seen sobbing through the curtains. Walters’ elderly neighbor, Peggy Barnham, however, was eager to discuss the matter. “Oh, Katie was such a sweet little thing. Such a shame it had to come to this. You know, I never would have imagined a little girl from our town growing up to get bangs, but it’s like they say, every Motel 6 has its rat problem.”
Some citizens are less concerned about Walters’ new style. According to Dr. Josefina Rivera, a local psychiatrist, the bangs are nothing to worry about. “Katie is in her early twenties. It’s a perfectly normal time for her to have an emotional crisis and change her hair. After a few months, she’ll decide to try therapy and she’ll realize the bangs were a mistake and decide to grow them out. Either that or she’ll find out that the amount of upkeep for bangs really isn’t worth it.” Dr. Rivera refused to comment on what she suspected was the cause of the bangs, stating only that Walters’ personal life ought to be looked into.
Many believe that Walters’ bangs are here to stay, which would be a devastating blow to the local economy. Shop owner Mallory Garber insists that the presence of a person with bangs in town would negatively affect her business. “This is how it all starts. First it’s just one woman with bangs. Then, someone else decides they want to try having bangs too. Next thing you know, this whole town is filled with women with bangs, men with beards, and people on the street trying to get you to listen to their indie folk album and buy their old clothes from their Depop accounts. Then, the whole economy crumbles. It’s sickening!”
Garber’s concerns have been echoed by many other small business owners around town. They, along with Garber, have organized a community group in protest of the growing of bangs by any citizen. Shannon Everett, a founding member and firm supporter of the so-called “No Bangs Gang” spoke to The Sundial about a similar situation that occurred in her hometown. “A three year old got a haircut a few years back. Her parents were foolish enough to allow her to have bangs. Within 6 months of the incident, my town was bankrupt. I’ve stared evil in the face, and it has bangs.”
The No Bangs Gang has organized a rally on city hall Saturday to protest Walters and her bangs. A group of counter-protesters is expected to march against the organization in combination with several members of a local Bangs Rights activist group.
At press time, Walters’ only comment about her bangs scandal has come by way of a second Instagram post, a mirror selfie with the aforementioned bangs in full view, with the caption “Could y’all shut up about my bangs? I’m just really going through it rn”.
Written by Francesca Varga, Social Media Officer