• Every airport was designed by someone who didn’t pass architecture school.
• The voice inside everyone’s head sounds exactly the same.
• The grass is wet in the morning because that’s when all the squirrels and birds pee. Have you EVER seen a squirrel pee? Exactly, they do it only at dawn.
• All sheep have a third eye under the wool.
• Starbucks puts cocaine in their whipped cream.
• Favorite colors are a myth. I change my answer every time I’m asked this question and I assume everyone else does the same.
• Babies can understand us and choose not to speak properly.
• Goats don’t scream like people; people scream like goats.
• Every Eggo waffle is an egg from the master waffle, kept alive by Kellogg’s in a secret location. Possibly Area 51.
• Everyone gets one day in their life where they are completely immortal. The only way I can explain this is as an internal, invisible super star from Mario where he goes all gold and fast and the music speeds up and Mario goes “woooopaAAAAA” a lot. Many so-called “near death” experiences can be explained by this one day we all get.
Written by Mary McCarthy, Contributor