By Emma Lambert
This past Tuesday, acting president of The Ohio State University, Peter Mohler, and incoming president, Ted Carter Jr. have announced their joint decision to convert the Ohio Union into a Spirit Halloween just in time for the upcoming holiday.
In a recent press conference, Mohler stated, “What our campus needs now more than ever is a place in which students can prepare for the best holiday of the year, Halloween. And where would be a better place to put the most festive Halloween store in the nation, than at the hub of our entire student body, the Ohio Union!”
Not only will the Union Market and Woody’s Tavern be closing all their food stations to sell only candy and caramel apples, but the entire dining location will be converted into a haunted house. Students can pay $10 to get mildly frightened by upper class students who are only in it for the volunteer hours. Plus, Espress-OH will only sell pumpkin spice lattes, iced or hot. And don’t worry oat milk enjoyers, dairy milk alternatives will still be available.
The main three floors of the Union will be reserved for retail spaces, with Halloween costumes located on the first floor, accessories on the second floor, and decorations on the third floor. The basement will be closed just to piss off students. Students and other unauthorized personnel will be prohibited from loitering inside or near the Union, as it is distracting to Spirit Halloween’s profit incentive. So, students – make some arrangements if you were planning to get any work done at the Union this fall. However, there will be designated study rooms available to students who do make a purchase. Spirit Halloween representative writes, “This is sort of our way of giving back to the student body at Ohio State, by providing them with safe spaces to get their work done, while enjoying the spirit of Halloween in the process.”
The Union will return to normal in early November, but for now, Spirit Halloween’s presence on campus will bring joy (or aggravation) to all our lives!