Category

Valenzine (2019)

The Top 4 Songs Straight People Have Sex To

Love season is here, and you know what that means. It’s time for Brandon and Hayleigh to accidentally bring a lot more meaning to the date November 14th 2019 than they had ever intended. The culture of the heterosexual bedroom… Continue Reading →

My Old College Roommate Tried to Sell Me Love!

It was a drizzly Tuesday. I still remember the smooth sound of his voice as he said, “We haven’t hung out in SO LONG! We should go to Starbucks.” I, knowing no better, stupidly agreed. Why would a friend who… Continue Reading →

8 Dating Apps for Lonely Gamblers

I’m a hopeless gambling addict, but I’m an even more hopeless romantic. Here are some dating apps that my bookie recommended, to raise my odds of finding love: 1. Ghostr This dating app saves busy betters like me from the… Continue Reading →

It’s Your Day, Columbus – Tom Valentine’s Day

Tom Valentine’s Day – February 6, 2019 In last month’s edition of “It’s Your Day, Columbus,” we highlighted a day in the life of Dora Martin, a 38-year-old personal trainer visiting from Sandusky. This month, we’re interviewing Tom Valentine of… Continue Reading →

Top 5 Reasons My Parents are Making Me Go to Bed Early Today

Yeah, it’s Valentine’s Day, so? My Parents aren’t going to do anything, right? No. They’re not, and I can prove it. Here’s 5 better explanations as to why my parents want me to go to bed at 8 tonight: 1…. Continue Reading →

Ask Amy: Crushing on a Cute Columnist

Dear Amy, I have a serious problem. There’s this person that I have a crush on, but there’s no way she even knows I exist. You see, she writes this incredibly funny advice column for a very popular humor magazine…. Continue Reading →

Galentine’s Day Ends in Mysterious Fire

COLUMBUS– The local Chili’s burnt down on February 13th in a mysterious fire that some are claiming is connected to a suspicious series of robberies and thefts in the neighborhood. The Northside Chili’s, a popular Midwestern bar and grill for… Continue Reading →

Romantic Ways to Weed Out Weak Suitors and Ensure Only the Strongest Survive

Are you searching for a viable romantic partner, but aren’t convinced by traditional chocolate and flower rituals? Are you looking to test just how adaptable to their environment your suitors are? Then I’ve got just the thing for you: Darwinism!… Continue Reading →

How to Seduce Your 7th Grade Boyfriend With a Cup Song Rendition of “Welcome to the Jungle”

You and Tyler from math are finally officially dating. But if your self-esteem is as low as mine, you’re not certain how long you’ll be able to hold his attention before he decides to move on to someone better looking,… Continue Reading →

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