The group shifted and settled, connecting their gazes one at a time as they sat around the crowded table. One would think that in a meeting of so many different College Academic Calendars, there might be some tension (stemming from long-festering rivalries), but the tiny liberal arts school calendars seemed perfectly comfortable wedged between the larger public schools. As far as anthropomorphized clusters of deadlines go, this was a genial group.
Of course, there was one troublemaker among them – the Ohio State University Academic Calendar. He had always been a little thoughtless, growing more and more distant from the other calendars with his stream of reckless decisions and rapid life changes. The others were trying to keep their ties with him, but it was proving to be harder each year. They had thought the semester switch might give them all more time together, but as usual, Ohio State had his own plans. Clearing his throat, it was the Wittenberg Academic Calendar that finally spoke.
“It’s your second year on semesters now, Ohio State,” he started. “Have you…have you thought about going ahead and including a fall break?”
“Psh,” Ohio State scoffed, slowly leaning back as he extended his legs out in front of him and folded his arms behind his head. “Of course not.
“I mean, when they told me I would be switching from quarters to semesters, I wasn’t thrilled right away. I had my system, you know?” he continued. The other calendars nodded, a few of them rolling their eyes.
“But, Ohio State, it was supposed to help you better sync with the rest of us,” Miami University’s Academic Calendar said.
“Yeah, I wasn’t really a fan of that either,” Ohio State shrugged, focusing most of his energy on picking something out of his teeth. “So, I figured I’d just go all out. If I had to become a semester calendar, might as well just out-semester you all! Rush through these fifteen weeks and have my students out of here by the beginning of December!” the malicious intangible being explained.
“Listen, we don’t really get what your deal is,” the Denison Calendar said. “It’s the same concept as spring break, which you still have for no other reason. I mean, it doesn’t separate two quarters anymore, it’s just there to sort of break up the time. Which is good. Fifteen weeks is a long haul, you know?”
Otterbein’s Calendar sighed, shaking his head back and forth and looking down at his shoes.
“We all wanted to talk to you about it. We don’t know why you’re being so stubborn,” he said.
“We don’t think you’re transitioning over into semesters well,” the College of Wooster’s Academic Calendar chimed in. “I mean, it’s not a race.”
The others nodded in agreement, looking around at each other. Waiting.
Ohio State gave an exaggerated shrug. “My students have Thanksgiving break in the fall,” he said. “They can relax and refocus their energy during that incredibly travel-filled, family-obligation-heavy couple of days. You know, while they’re studying for finals.
“Besides,” he continued, “this way they get almost the entirety of December off. I really think students enjoy that time, stuck at home in the horrible weather, before any of their families or friends are off from work and school and are able to spend time with them. Allows for personal meditation.”
The Calendars shifted nervously, each of them wondering if the others were coming to the same conclusion. None of them wanted to admit it, but finally the injustice was too much for Wittenberg. He cocked his head at Ohio State, staring at him, his brow furrowed in incredulous wonder, his eyes alight with sudden understanding.
“You…you know what you’re doing,” he stammered. “You just don’t care.”
At this, the Ohio State Calendar looked up towards the ceiling and began to stroke his eerily pointed beard. He leaned back further, nearly tipping over his chair with reckless abandon.
“Yeah,” he muttered, “now that you mention it, why do I still have Spring Break? I could knock that out too, and have us out of here in the middle of April.”
-Haley Cowans, Contributor