Often times I have trouble teaching my kids about the pointless existence of life. I try to teach them that life is meaningless, bleak, and depressing, and that no matter how hard we try, we might be doomed to spend an eternity in a fiery hell-scape. So I came up with a list of ten children’s books that you can read to your children to help convey the hopelessness of existence.

1.Itsy-bitsy Sisyphus

No matter how hard Sisyphus tries to climb up the waterspout he never makes it to the top. This is meant to teach your children that all of their efforts in life will ultimately amount to nothing.

2.If You Give a Mouse Godot

Do we have free will? Are we even alive? How are we meant to assign meaning to our lives? Make your child question their very existence and contemplate if they do, in fact, want to grow up.

3. Everybody Dies

Teach them that their life is just a miniscule fragmented coil that will end just as quickly as it began. A one hump camel leaves a one hump grave, a two hump camel leaves a two hump grave, only joking. They will learn that there are only two true constants in life: everybody poops, and everybody dies.

4. The Very Hungry Stranger

Life is absurd. It has no rational meaning or order. Like the hungry caterpillar, we will consume things without any rationale or patterns. Even though we attempt to impose societal expectations of what the caterpillar should and should not eat, it will not matter. Like the caterpillar, people are blind to the problems of the world around them. Like Camus, we will ignore the poverty of the world because we are incapable of walking a mile in someone else’s shoes, blinded by our all-consuming hunger.

5. Green Eggs and Dread

Theodor Geisel brought smiles to millions of Americans, young and old. His novels are timeless, but even he couldn’t make the ones he loved the most happy. Make sure your child knows and understands that no matter how hard we try to escape it, death will always be in a train, in the rain, in the dark, and even in the park.

6. Harry Potter and the Metamorphosis

In J.K Rowling’s latest cash grab, she explores the transformation of Harry Potter into a bug-human monstrosity. His friends cannot save him and neither can magic. He is doomed to spend the rest of his absurd and meaningless life as a beetle.  

7. One Fish Two Fish Slaughterhouse-5 Fish

Teach your child to count the many illusions and pitfalls of life. They only need to count to two: free will is an illusion, and war is an invention of man.

8. Dorian Gray and the Purple Crayon

If you had a crayon that could make things come to life would you use it? Society’s superficial nature makes it almost impossible for us not to. While we may be able to prolong our youth and beauty, eventually it will lead to the decay of our sanity and our morality.

9. No Country for Old Dogs

We are here because of a coin flip, friend-o. A lot of stuff had to happen for you and me to get here, but unfortunately we are already obsolete. The dogs of our childhood, Snoopy, Clifford, and Kipper, have either become symbols for corporate greed or totally forgotten. Snoopy is just a brand deal for Cedar Fair. Emily Elizabeth probably grew up to do heroin. Nobody remembers Kipper. We are doomed to the same fate. We are cattle, and our children have cattle stunners.  

10. Anything made by Disney

We look to Walt Disney and his never ending optimism, sexism, anti-Semitism, and subversive racism as a source of joy and happiness. Most of our internal personal conflict comes from analyzing what our lives should be instead of what they are. We spend our whole lives in a spire, waiting for our prince charming or the huntsman. If we are to move forward we must realize that we will never be as perfect as Anna and Elsa. We will never be a prince charming for someone. Our huntsman will never kill the evil witch. Before we live our lives to the fullest everyone must first realize that they will eventually bite a poisoned apple, or fall into an undisturbed slumber, and that no one will be there to save us. Life isn’t all doom and gloom though; once we have accepted the inevitable, the only thing we have left to do is spend time with the people we love the most, and share our favorite children’s books with our kids.

 
-Adam Hribar, Staff Member