Your child’s teenage years are full of exciting moments, big changes, and vital self-discovery that every parent can and should be heavily involved in. During this crucial time of social development, adolescent girls and boys find themselves sprouting into well-adjusted young women and men, but it seems like your daughter isn’t among them. You fear she is uncool, merely tolerated by her friends, barely holding onto her expendable position as the end-seat placeholder. Sound familiar? Take a look at these five warning signs that just might indicate if your daughter is the loser of her friend group.
1. She genuinely enjoys going to the public library. At first, you were excited when your daughter informed you that she was “going to the library.” You hoped she was lying and actually planning to go to a boy’s house or to purchase a juul, but when she returned home with a bag of memoirs, your heart sank. Even worse, she has gone to your local library enough times to have developed a favorite librarian, an elderly woman named Mabel whom she mentions after every visit. Sometimes you wonder why you can’t just remain ignorant of the facts. What kind of kid is so out of touch with modern society that she chooses to go to the library despite having access to the widely preferred internet? If you find that your daughter has been deliberately going to a physical library, it’s time to recognize that she’s simply not hip and likely never will be.
2. She actually wants you to go to a parent-teacher conference. Even though your daughter is doing fine in school, she still wants you to have a meeting with her teachers. Sadly, there is a strong correlation between this desire and being decidedly unpopular. I mean, what cool teen wants their main adult figures to have a serious discussion about their home and school lives? (See: Five Ways To Deny That Your Kid Is Depressed). A normal teenager would be embarrassed if their parents showed up at their school and should want nothing to do with their teachers outside of regular class time. If your daughter sincerely urges you to attend a conference, refuse the request and pray she gets the message that you will not be one to enable her as a social pariah.
3. The only person to show up to her party is the loser of a different friend group. You suggested that your daughter host a party to celebrate the end of the school year. Maybe that will help her move up within the social hierarchy, you thought. She was on board and cast out the Facebook invites. To your delight, quite a few people responded that they would be attending, and several other bitch-ass hoes evasively replied “maybe.” When the big day finally rolled around, you waited and waited for a hoard of teens to start twerking their way up your driveway, but the only person to remain true to her RSVP was a girl the social equivalent of your daughter. When her own group of friends won’t even show up to her party, it becomes apparent that your daughter’s chances of achieving popularity do not look good.
4. Her relationship with the cat isn’t lovably quirky anymore. You’ve been noticing your daughter’s growing dependence on the cat for a while now, but the final straw broke when you found her stroking his head while softly singing “You Are My Sunshine” into his ear. Could your daughter be coping with feelings of anxiety and loss, or is she just a loser? Probably both, but who cares about that first part. So you tried to accept it. You gave her an ironic Mother’s Day card from the cat, but to your horror, you saw that she already bought herself the same one. These disturbing behaviors do not stop at her pet. You recently discovered that when she shakes one of her novelty snow globes, she has to shake them all so none of them feel “forgotten,” and you learned that her favorite color is beige because she “feels for it.” When your daughter is relating emotionally to inanimate objects, or God forbid, concepts, she is just too far gone to ever succeed socially.
5. The passcode to her phone is the date on which Frasier first premiered. In a way, you always knew this was coming. You clung to the empty promise that your daughter would grow out of it, but her passion for classic sitcoms only intensified with time. Why, Netflix? Why? You were initially concerned when your daughter willfully offered her passcode to you, since you know normal teens are supposed to be secretive with their parents, but what truly shook you to your core was hearing your own flesh and blood proudly tell you that her cell phone’s passcode is 0-9-1-9-9-3. September 1993. Parents should also be aware of the variation 0-9-1-9-9-4: Friends, and in extreme cases 0- 9-1-9-6-9: The Brady Bunch. Your spirits rose when she played you her new ringtone, the 2012 pop hit “Call Me Maybe.” Finally, a song written within the decade! But alas, you became disheartened once again as you realized, unlike the song would imply, no one has ever called your daughter.
If these warning signs confirmed that your daughter is, in fact, the loser of her friend group, there’s unfortunately not much you can do about it within your current environment. You can only hope that she learns to completely alter her personality once she enters college.
Written by Sarah Palazzo, Contributor