Dear Amy,
Karen, you know from book club, has a kid at OSU just like my Sarah, and she keeps bragging about how much more her kiddo loves her than mine. Not only is she getting monthly phone calls and occasional cryptic bitmojis, she was also invited to go to that Parent and Family thingy a few weeks ago. It’s got me thinking, what did I do wrong? Why doesn’t Sarah love me?
Sincerely,
Majorly Miffed Mom
Dear Majorly Miffed Mom,
I have some bad news. This isn’t going to be easy for you to hear, but I think it needs to be said. You daughter Sarah is a lost cause. Not being invited to Parent and Family Weekend, that’s understandable. No one with a healthy familial relationship invites their relatives to Parent and Family Weekend. However, the calls and the bitmojis are concerning. If you don’t receive at least one panicked phone call a month, your daughter has grown self-sufficient. Are you at least getting an eye roll bitmoji when you send her something sweet like “Just missing you…” or “Hope midterm season isn’t tearing your soul out through your brain and eating it for lunch?” If not, I’m sorry Majorly Miffed Mom, your dear Sarah will never need you again.
Best,
An anonymous Sundial member whose name definitely won’t be in the byline
Written by Hannah Wagner, Senior Staff Member