Elizabethtown—Standing up against against the imaginations of sad, lonely male writers, pastel haired girls across the country are gluing macaroni to cardboard to begin protesting for better conditions. “I just feel like hair dye is expensive, constantly coming up with weird speech patterns is time intensive, and sparking a lust for life in vegetative, boring white dudes is no easy task. Which is why we….” said 19 year old Branwen Foster, before trailing off to catch a butterfly mid sentence. “It’s about time we band together. We aren’t asking for anything crazy like being considered complete, complex people with our own issues. All we want is better benefits. After all, having to listen to The Smith’s entire discography doesn’t help anyone’s sanity.” At press time, manic pixie dream girls are staging sit ins at local thrift stores.


Written by Lauren Zeck, Contributor