Riding the Peloton that I’ve recently moved from the basement into what used to be my son’s bedroom, I imagine I’m being chased by a large monster representing the national debt. Two dreams give me the strength to keep pedalling away: Senator Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota being elected President of the United States, and her bringing the swift hammer of justice down on my adult son Derek.
On the night of November 11th, I loaned my 2007 Honda CRV to Derek so he could drive to attend a live podcast recording. This demonstration of paternal trust followed several other instances, like when I asked him to set up our LG Smart-TV to play MSNBC and Fox News at the same time, where he was given a small task but failed to meet my expectations. Derek’s malfeasance reached new heights when, upon waking up on the morning of November 12th, I noticed a large scratch on the front bumper of my precious Honda SUV and my life was changed forever.
When Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon on January 10th, 49 B.C. to begin his civil war against the Roman senate, he said “the die is cast.” That fateful morning, as I stood in the crisp November air looking at the gash on my sporty yet affordable Japanese crossover, I said something just as prophetic, “the vote is cast, for Amy Klobuchar.”
Like Amy when she stood bravely in a blizzard to declare her candidacy, I mustered the courage to begin suing my son for emotional distress. As the months go by and my lawsuit against Derek makes its way through the Delaware County Small Claims Court, Senator Klobuchar has surged in the polls from 2% to more than 3.8%.
Once Amy is elected, she will direct her Attorney General to begin prosecution in the case of the People of the United States v. Derek. I am voting for her not only due to her no-nonsense approach to lawmaking and her willingness to compromise for the greater good, but also because I know that only she can bring Derek to justice. If you have any information that could lead to the arrest of my son or if you would like to become a member of the KlobMob, please email me at fathersforklobuchar@hotmail.com.
Written by Ian Gray, Contributor