I love getting bullied. It’s one of my favorite pastimes. Name calling? Constant criticism? Getting pushed down stairs? It doesn’t bother me even a little bit. In fact, I seek out opportunities to get bullied. It brings me pleasure when you call attention to my slight imperfections and ridicule me in front of all my friends and acquaintances. It would really make me happy and fulfilled if you could bully me more severely. I’d suggest making fun of these specific traits of mine: hair, face, short, weird voice. This would have absolutely no influence on my self-image. This whole time I’ve been planning an elaborate scheme to get people to bully me, and you fell for it! This is what I wanted all along.
It would really make me sad and angry if you were to, I don’t know, suddenly stop bullying me. I would hate this. To tell you the truth, if you stopped bullying me, I would probably react in a way that a typical person would react to actually getting bullied. I guess I’m just a special case𑁋someone who needs to not be bullied in order to feel the intended effects of bullying. I bet you’d get a lot more satisfaction as the bully figure if you stopped bullying me, so if I were you, I’d give it a try. Remember, it doesn’t make me sad or physically sick at all. I’m just trying to say that if I was in your place (bullying me), then I would just completely halt all bullying activity because that’s what would torment me the most.
So the decision is totally up to you whether or not you want to continue bullying me. I mean, if I had it my way, I’d say, “Please keep bullying me! This is the only thing that makes sixth grade and experiencing the tribulations of puberty tolerable!” But I know you want to do the thing that would definitely most upset me, so I guess I better prepare myself for *sigh* no more bullying.
Written by Sarah Palazzo, Co-President