A recent investigation conducted by The Sundial has confirmed suspicions that local bully Sam Coller, the kid who called your kid a “2% milk-drinking coward,” is not acting out because of any concealed suffering in other parts of his life – he’s just a super rude kid. “Yeah, there’s nothing going on behind the scenes here,” said Coller himself, stuffing a small child into a locker while giving another 3rd grader a wedgie. “My home life is great, perfect even. Nothing bad has ever happened in my life to cause me to do any of this. I’ve just been a major asshole since birth.” At press time, Coller was seen shouting “There’s no trauma-related underlying motive for what I’m about to do!” before punching an 8-year-old in the face.
Written by Francesca Varga, Social Media Officer