GARY, INDIANA — The first farmers’ market of the year kicked off to an unsavory start as the proprietor of “Dave’s Proud Pee Emporium” severely misunderstood the farmers’ market’s typical goods and services. “I thought I could make a quick buck, you know?” Dave lamented to a reporter, as the wind stirred around air filled with both groans of disgust and a strong smell from about 35 jars of urine. “It’s just that, about a week ago, my buddy Jack told me that people loved buying peas here, and I thought he was just saying ‘piss’ in a funny accent. I wasn’t gonna ask questions, I didn’t want to judge, I just got these jars, I bought that sign, and…I really screwed the pooch on this one, didn’t I?”
While Dave certainly ruined this farmers’ market, he was lucky enough to encounter the local Urine-Based Fertilizer Society soon afterward, who enthusiastically invited him to join their ranks.
Written by Zach Levy, Treasurer