America is at a crossroads. It seems as though chasms divide the ideas of us citizens, leaving paths to the future wholly disparate and mutually exclusive. I don’t pretend to have all the answers for the future of our nation, but to those calling for the abolishment of the police, I ask this: If we abolish the police, who will arrest the kid in my dorm smoking weed?
His name is Cressten, and he’s not even subtle about it. Whenever I walk by his door, it absolutely reeks of marijuana, and if I bring it up to him, he just smirks and says he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. I complain to our RA at least a dozen times a week, but he doesn’t do anything to stop it. I go to the front desk to complain, but guess who’s an OA: Cressten! Is this the “community policing” you fools advocate for?
I’ve attempted to take the matter into my own hands by applying the lessons from my criminal justice courses: I wait till 4am, when I know everyone is asleep, then I bang on his door and yell “I know that you have been smoking weed in there!” loud enough so the whole floor can hear of his crimes. I do this for the good of the whole building, but then I’m the one everyone gets mad at? I’m just trying to keep everyone safe and in line with the guidelines of the housing contract. Anyone with nothing to hide should have nothing to worry about.
I actually had a class with Cressten for about a week. Whenever he spoke in a class discussion, I would yell over him “weed! He’s a weed smoker” so the class would know his opinions have been tainted and are therefore invalid. But again, I was the one who was kicked out of the class. Now I understand the inherent corruption of the Court of Public Opinion that plagues our brave police officers; no matter how hard you try, they think you’re the bad guy. You’re just trying to do your job, then a bunch of snowflake college students call you a “piss-soaked narc waiting for his mommy to pick him up from the bootlicking convention.”
I know that America will overcome the divides between us and heal, just like I know the police will arrest Cressten and his perfectly-chiseled calves. Cressten may be riding the paddy-wagon to jail, but this nation is riding a surplus Armored Personnel Carrier into a bright future.
Written by Zack White, Contributor