In a recent email to the university community, President Kristina Johnson announced that Ohio State would no longer be teaching Russian Literature, stating “like the rest of the world, we are horrified at the recent actions of Russian in Ukraine sovereign territory. In solidarity with Ukraine, we will no longer be teaching Russian Literature until Vladimir Putin withdraws his troops from Ukraine. Also, we’re getting rid of Principles of Marketing. Unrelated, just letting you know”
This move follows other global universities such as Oxford who have decided not to teach Russian-based classes due to recent events. Some critics have stated that the decisional does not accomplish anything other than create a xenophobic attitude towards ordinary Russian people, and have pointed out that much of the literature now banned is actually anti-tsarist and pacifist in nature, not to mention written decades, even centuries before now. However, these same critics were more supportive over the banning of Principles of Marketing, with one saying “yeah, I get that one.”
In a desperate attempt to save their class, Marketing Professor Casey Jonstone has planned a major rally on the oval to include live speakers, donation lines, and even a raffle. However, the rally is predicted to see low turnout, as it is on the same day as another event calling for the university to close McCraken Power Plant and while they’re at it also maybe think about bringing falafel back to Union Market, mostly about the plant but also the falafel thing would be cool too.
When asked if the university would ban other Russian related classes, not just literature, President Johnson replied “My god, there’s already more? Goddamn Ruskies must have had sleeper cells here for years to prepare for this” before climbing in and peeling away from the press room in a Chevy Silverado blaring Toby Kieth’s 2002 song “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue”.
–By Zack White, Staff Writer