As the sun began to set on April 3rd, Lenny Ferguson’s hope dwindled. For the past three weeks, Ferguson has led the widely publicized efforts to free a very sad mime from his transparent prison.

It all began nearly a month ago, when a still unnamed mime was going through his standard routine. In front of an audience of four or five slightly annoyed people, the mime performed his usual act. He did all the classics, like “walking against strong wind,” until he reached the
pinnacle of his performance – the famed invisible box trick. That’s when tragedy struck. Instead of the box being deconstructed by the mime’s sheer psychic power, it remained in place. The small crowd watched in horror as the mime’s face went from disbelief, to anguish, to fear within a span of minutes. They could not hear the screams echo from the mime’s open mouth, but those who were present insist he was “likely letting out the gnarliest yell you’ll ever hear”.

Ferguson’s crew started out with optimism, but morale quickly waned over time. As Ferguson states, “There were a few instances where we thought we destroyed that stupid box, only to have the mime strut forward, comically hit his head, and then stumble backwards again. We’re running out of options at this point. Physical tools seem to have no effect, and even mimed ones can’t get the job done. It would be a lot easier if this guy would just talk to us and tell us what we need to do. I’m getting really tired of seeing him pretend to cry and wail in there.”

Following a string of particularly demoralizing failures, Ferguson and his team decided to contact the International Society of Mimes for help. Unfortunately, the results were not what he had hoped for. Ferguson characterized his phone call with the ISM as “a complete waste of time,” later adding that “a video conference probably would’ve been a better idea.”

Entering his 23rd day on the project, Lenny is unsure if he’ll be able to get the mime out. “The mayor is breathing down my neck to save this guy by the end of the week. I don’t even want to know what’s going to happen to the poor mime if that doesn’t happen. They’re probably going to pick him up in that box and ship him across the Atlantic.”

Although such an outcome is not ideal for Ferguson, he’s relieved that he will soon be able to return to his normal duties of saving cats from trees and lifting clumsy people out of wells.

–By Bryant S., Staff Writer