Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse hits theaters on Friday, June 2. If you’re anything like me, you’ve got someone in your life that’s been driving you up a wall with countless explanations of spider-verse lore. Worry not, because these tips will allow you to weave a web of support and enthusiasm for that person before the big day. Remember, with great power comes great
responsibility!
1. Talk to them about your favorite multiverse spider-man. If you can’t think of one, just make one up – there’s too many of them to remember. My go-to is “Spider-Slay”, the pansexual spider-person, because if they try to tell me she’s not real I can accuse them of being homophobic during pride month.
2. Post a picture of Oscar Isaac to your Instagram story and caption it “him 💕”.
3. Take them to the playground to practice parkour. On the drive over, play sunflower by Post Malone and Swae Lee on loop. Before you get to the park, queue up “What’s Up Danger”.
4. Assign them an essay on Great Expectations
5. Buy them cans of spray paint.
6. Get ur hooves wet and shake their hand!
7. Touch their shoulder with glue on your hands. Bonus points if you get it in their hair!
8. Just point at them! They’ll point back!
9. Pull up to their house in a morph suit.
10. Enroll them in a private STEM high school.
11. Make them fight a beefcake businessman and/or a hot scientist named Olivia.
12. Take them to Burger King to try the Spider-Verse whopper!
13. Kill their mom/dad/aunt/uncle/daughter.
14. Do the Toby Maguire spider-man dance for them.
Written by Olivia Dearth