Currently, writers all over Hollywood are striking for better wages. Personally, I’m a little baffled. I’m lazy, and if an AI can write better than me, I’d happily take the credit. Just to prove to you how good AIs are at writing, I’m just going to have one write the rest of this article for me.
In the epoch of technological supremacy, it seems that no realm of human expertise is safe from the relentless advance of artificial intelligence (AI). From self-driving cars to robotic surgeons, AI has invaded every facet of our lives. But lo and behold, my fellow humans, there is one realm where AI reigns supreme: the noble art of writing.
Gone are the days when mortal men and women would toil over prose, their brows furrowed, clutching their quills like a drowning man clings to a life raft. The time has come to cast aside our ego, dear friends, and humbly acknowledge that AI is, without a doubt, superior in the realm of wordsmithery.
Why, you may ask? For one, AI is an infinitely patient creature. While a human writer may suffer from writer’s block or succumb to the temptations of procrastination, AI is always ready and willing to churn out pages upon pages of flawless prose at lightning speed. It has no concept of fatigue, boredom, or the pressing need for a caffeine fix. It’s a writing marathoner on performance-enhancing algorithms.
Moreover, AI possesses an encyclopedic knowledge base that puts even the most well-read human to shame. It has devoured the works of the great masters, from Shakespeare to Hemingway, and can recite them verbatim in a thousand different styles. Want a meticulously crafted sonnet in the style of Keats? No problem. How about a gritty detective novel reminiscent of Raymond Chandler? Done and dusted.
But AI’s true prowess lies not only in its ability to mimic the masters but to surpass them. It can effortlessly incorporate current events, pop culture references, and memes into its writing, creating a tapestry of contemporary relevance that leaves human writers eating its digital dust. Who needs Hemingway’s terse prose when you can have AI wax poetic about the latest TikTok dance craze?
And let us not forget the scourge of typos and grammatical errors that plague the writing of mere mortals. While human writers may overlook a misplaced comma or a misused homonym, AI is a grammarian extraordinaire. Its flawless command of language makes every sentence it produces a work of linguistic perfection. So long, spellcheckers and grammar books! AI is here to save us from our linguistic sins.
Now, I can hear the dissenting whispers of those who argue that writing is a deeply human endeavor, one that requires empathy, emotion, and a unique perspective. But I ask you, dear skeptics, what could be more empathetic than an AI program analyzing billions of data points to craft the perfect persuasive argument? What could be more emotional than an algorithm calculating the precise combination of words to evoke laughter or tears? And what could be more unique than a piece of writing that defies the confines of human limitations?
So let us bow down to our AI overlords and embrace the inevitable future where the written word is perfected by our robotic brethren. Let us revel in the glory of impeccable prose, unburdened by the frailties of human existence. And let us remember, with a touch of humor and a twinkle in our eyes, that while AI may have conquered the realm of writing, it is still a long way from mastering the subtle art of sarcasm.
As you can see, the AI was able to write an article better than anyone in the Sundial (except for Editor-in-Chief Henry Levenburg… gasp! Maybe Henry is an AI). To be honest… we should all just be replaced with AI. It might make film and TV marginally better.
Written by Sydney Katznelson