After months of bullying and harassment by Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, Disney has had enough. Earlier this week the entertainment company announced they would be relocating Walt Disney World from Orlando to The Ohio State University’s Columbus campus.
“We’re truly excited about this move,” remarked Disney spokesanimal Minnie Mouse. “Florida is always so hot and humid, and you can’t walk five feet without being devoured by mosquitoes or crocodiles. Ohio, on the other hand, is literally a paradise on Earth! I visited Columbus once and I must say: it’s the most magical place in the entire world.”
Florida Gov. DeSantis responded to Disney’s announcement in a televised press conference. “Good riddance!” he declared. “Florida is glad to see the last of Communist Mickey and his filthy menagerie of comrades. This is a victory for the state of Florida – I don’t care if it tanks our economy, Disney just has to go!”
Interim University President Brutus Buckeye also had much to say on the move. “This is going to be a great year for our students and our entire university community,” Brutus announced. “To make room for all the rollercoasters and teacup-rides, we’re going to completely demolish South Campus; nobody really likes it anyway. I’m pleased to share that once the theme park is fully up and running, eligible Ohio State students will receive a 3% discount on the price of admission!”
In a televised conference call with Minnie Mouse, Brutus also revealed Disney’s exciting plans to purchase The Ohio State University. “That’s right!” Minnie squeaked. “We own Star Wars, Marvel, and pretty much everything that’s relevant these days… we already have a lineup of Ohio State-themed films and TV series for when the purchase goes through!”
Written by Donald Duck