(Columbus, OH) In an unexpected turn of events, nearly every member of the fraternity Alpha Alpha Delta was recently revealed to be a fully-grown sheep wearing an elaborate disguise. The truth came out at a social function when one brother’s gloves fell off, exposing the distinctive cloved hooves of escaped livestock wrapped around a red solo cup. One of his brothers standing nearby was heard to say:
“Dude, are you a sheep too?” before taking off his coiffed wig and Caucasian mask to reveal the snout of a young suffolk.
One after the other, every member of Alpha Alpha Delta removed their disguise and came clean, save one brother in the corner who, despite actually being human, insisted he was also a sheep and made offensive bleating sounds in an effort to blend in
Professors of Agriculture at OSU, after observing this unusual behavior, have speculated that the sheep are assimilating with their environment in an effort to avoid predators.
When reached for comment, President Derek Tackett had this to say about the now fully “out” brotherhood:
“Ba, Bro”
Though the validity of the chapter has been brought into question, Delta Upsilon is still very active: traveling together, wearing similar clothes, speaking in a similar way, liking the same things, taking the same classes, following the example set by their leaders, and meeting the standards set by other fraternities on campus. The only noticeable change has been the addition of grass to their diets and the shearing of cotton for Alpha Alpha Delta sweaters, to be sold on the fraternity’s website in the late fall.
-Collin Gossel, Editor-In-Chief