COLUMBUS – Earlier this week, in Park-Stradley Hall, Audrey Martin unexpectedly uncovered her roommate’s cat in their dorm room.
“I knew she was crazy about her cat, but I had no idea she actually brought it to school!” said Audrey.
Lyndsay confessed to her Residence Advisor (RA) after Audrey’s discovery that she actually brought her cat, Sadie, with her on move-in day. The feline discovery came eight weeks into the semester when Lyndsay was preparing to do her first load of laundry. As Lyndsay was sorting her rancid clothing, a putrid odor engulfed the entire floor.
“Their room always reeked,” said their neighbor, Ben Miller, “but they definitely uncovered something rotten that day.”
While Lyndsay was in the laundry room, Audrey spotted one of her half-shirts in Lyndsay’s hamper. She reached into the hamper to retrieve her shirt but her fingers stroked something furry. Audrey found Sadie in the hamper, but by the time she found the cat it was no longer suited to be a pet.
“I was just stunned,” exclaimed Audrey. “She had a dead cat in her hamper! I mean, she’s a little messy, but a dead cat? It was disgusting!”
According to their RA, Audrey and Lyndsay have been having “roommate issues” for several weeks. Earlier this week, Audrey got into an argument with Lyndsay for buying ten air fresheners and failing to plug even one of them in. “She buys so much crap and says ‘I’m just trying to spend blocks’, but it’s a lie,” explained Audrey.
Reportedly, Lyndsay has been suffering from depression since the popular A&E drama, Hoarders, was cancelled earlier this year. “Seeing those hoarders get the help they need was so inspiring,” explained Lyndsay, “but now that it’s cancelled, I have no motivation to keep clean.”
The RA suggested the pressures of academics and freshman year caused the neglect, but considering Lyndsay’s ambivalent attitude about hygiene and cleanliness, the cat’s death was inevitable.
“I know I should have taken better care of Sadie,” conceded Lyndsay, “but all I ask it that I can keep her until I can go home and give her a proper burial.” Audrey refused to keep the departed critter but won’t dare touch the rancid carcass. Audrey also expressed a fervent desire to edit their roommate agreement after her petition for Lyndsay’s eviction was denied, and as of press time, the room still smelled like a rotten animal shelter.
-Travis Filicky, Contributor