1. The aunt that questions your sexuality because you’re single.
– Next time she asks you, “Are you a lesbian? Is that why you don’t have a man in your life?” Respond with: “What’s a lesbian?” I can promise you she will never ask you again.
2. The creepy cousin that keeps hitting on you.
– Don’t worry, if he lives four states away, there’s no need to file a restraining order.
3. The cousin you think is kinda hot.
– But you like wouldn’t admit it or anything. And he’s like your third cousin, so like you can think he’s hot but just keep that to yourself.
4. Your sibling’s new significant other.
– Just smile and be polite. It won’t last long.
5. Your sibling’s ex-significant other that decided to crash the party.
– “JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!”
6. That one lady who’s like: “Oh my goodness, I remember you when you were just learning how to walk, you look just like your mother!”
– And you’re just like: “Who the hell are you?”
7. The super politically conservative uncle.
– Please, tell us again how the Obamacare website isn’t working. We didn’t hear you the first eight times you said it.
8. The 5 year old that goes through your purse.
– And then decides to run around waving your tampons in the air.
9. The couple that tries to bring you into their argument.
– Pissed-off wife: “All I’m saying is that he could have at least held the car door open for me like he used to before we got married, don’t you agree?”
– You: “I..um…I guess…like…I have to go compliment whoever cooked the turkey…”
10. The one that keeps you company throughout the party.
– AKA the resident pet that you cling to the entire night to avoid human interaction.
-Marianne Iskander, Contributor