Miley Cyrus’s antics have been causing a lot of buzz recently. Some people think her actions are inappropriate. Some think they’re empowering. I think she trained under Krampus, the Alpine Christmas devil who steals naughty children and beats them with sticks. Consider the following:
Krampus, the Yule Lord Miley Cyrus, Queen of Punk Fuckin’ Rock
Krampus carries around chains to bind children and drag them into hell. Miley swings on chains at construction sites.
Krampus chases children into washtubs and drowns them. Miley chases child-sized barbie dolls into swimming pools and licks their chins.
Santa and Krampus share an uncomfortable moment. Santa and Miley share an uncomfortable moment.
Krampus drives a car. Miley drives a car.
Krampus hangs out with stuffed horses. Miley hangs out with stuffed sheep.
Krampus sticks his tongue out in every picture. Miley sticks her tongue out in every picture.
Gruß vom Krampus, hope your holiday is Bangerz!
-Garrett Merz, Contributor