A component of Ohio 8th grade education is learning the different advertising techniques companies use in order to convince the consumer to purchase their product.  Most students are either too distracted to pay attention or don’t care.

As a liberal, I feel it pertinent that one be able to recognize these techniques and so have taken it upon myself to demonstrate a few of the manipulative facilities advertiser’s employ using the product “Oloft,” an herbal” anti-depressant.

 

Avant Garde– advertisers attempt to convince consumers that the product is ahead of times

“Tired of popping pills?

Tired of organizing medication into the days of the week pill holders?

‘Tired no more,’ we say here at the Oloft facility.

The new Oloft air freshener is the first of it’s kind providing enough, up-lifting squirts to cheer up even the saddest drunk.”

 

Facts and Figures– advertisers use statistics and facts to appeal to consumers

“40 million adults in the United States are afflicted with anxiety disorders and those numbers might be accurate. An association says that risk factors may include but are not limited to:

  • Being a part of any minority
  • Any change in life (i.e location, career, relationships, the closure of local shops, etc.)
  • Exposure to chemicals, radiation, uncleanliness and cleaning supplies of any kind
  • Existentialist thought
  • Existence

Chances are, you are one of those 40 million or are at risk of becoming the 40,000,001 person.

Take Oloft before it’s too late.”

 
Magic Ingredients– Advertisers emphasize certain “ingredients” that make the product special

“Do you know what Afflemazineghyfphingen or Horfheinburtonzine is?

We don’t either! But someone somewhere once said it will make you feel better.  We trusted them and now we present you with Oloft, to make the bad days a little better.”

 

Patriotism–  Advertisers appeal to consumers nationality and pride in country

“Oloft, because you live in America.”

 

Plain Folks– Advertisers emphasize the practicality of the product by demonstrating that “regular” people use it

“For the bank teller, the Wal-Mart greeter. For the parents and the teachers. And mostly for the dentists, we present you with Oloft.

To make the bad days a little better.”

 

Snob Appeal– Advertisers appeal to consumers who want the “finer things” in life

“Imagine your favorite meal.  If given a choice between having your mother and a five star chef prepare it, who would you really choose?

Why take anything other than Oloft?

It’s not impersonal, it’s refined.”

 

Bribery– Advertisers offer another product or service with purchase

“Free tuning-fork therapy with proof of years prescription.

Oloft-making the bad days a little better”

 

Testimonial–   Advertisers pay celebrities (local, national or international) to advocate for their product

“Taking Oloft is the highlight of my day!” – local mime

 

Wit and Humor–  Advertiser use humor in order to make their product more appealing to consumers

Want to hear a joke?

Q: “Why is the sad clown so sad?”

A: “Because he doesn’t take Oloft!”

Oloft, making the bad days a little better

 

Bandwagon–   Advertisers try to convince the consumer that their product is commonly consumed

“Your doctor takes it, your neighbor takes it, even the dissociative, ADHD, dyslexic, over-tired, poorly socialized, technology addicted millennial you tutor takes it.  Chances are, you should take it too.

Oloft, making the bad days a little better”

 

-Hannah Wenger, Contributor