That One Guy Who Took the Entire Study Room for Himself

WELL LOOK AT YOU GENIUS.  Isn’t that smart, taking an available study room, using ear buds, and just working hard.  Well newsflash you twat:  Other people need to use that room, too.  Literally I saw at least two groups looking for a room being forced to pass your room, unable to use it.  And you looked up, so I know you saw them.  That’s right pussface, you inconvenience others so you can sit in a room alone.  There was literally no good reason for you to be in there.  I sincerely hope you get smallpox.

 

The Know-it-All that Always Answers Questions in Class

Okay, yes, I GET IT, you read the textbook ahead of time.  Thanks for announcing that to the class over and over with your smug grin.  “Why of course the answer to that question is Adam Smith, who hasn’t read The Wealth of Nations?”  And way to get the teacher to like you way more than anyone else on the first day of class.  You know, if we all acted like me, we’d all be in the same boat, on an even playing field, and nobody would be unfairly favored.  Maybe then I wouldn’t have gotten a bad grade on my political science essay suggesting a shift from representative democracy to feudalism.  I know the TA said I needed better sources but that’s just a smokescreen.  Wikipedia is the only real source I need.

 

The Baristas at Starbucks

Yes, I know you’re busy, but that doesn’t mean you should repel my business.  If anything, I should assume the reason people are coming to you is because you treat your customers with a certain grade of class.  Instead, I get a sigh and a tired look when I ask for my main drink – A sugar free, extra hot venti caramel machiatto with skim milk, an extra shot, extra whip cream, and extra sugar – Which is just plain unacceptable.  I don’t care that you make my drink, I expect exceptional customer service from the leading coffee brand in the blessed United States of AMERICA.  The customers are just as bad, and are often more vocal in criticizing me, a simple customer that wants his energy for the morning.  I know you have jobs and classes.  I have a life too.  I need my coffee to wake me up for my early morning COD sesh.  Philistines.

 

Sundial Editor-in-Chief Collin Gossel

No explanation needed.

 

People who have their Lives Together

Oh look at you, great job getting into med school.  Isn’t that great.  I bet your life is so wonderful.  Oh, you proposed to your girlfriend?  That’s just FANTASTIC, isn’t it.  I bet you’ll get married, have 2 1/9 rambunctious little scamps, retire, move to Florida, and live out the rest of your days in a condo by the sea.  Well you and your dumb little fiancée can take your stupid little show-off faces and SHOVE IT.  I literally could not hate you anymore for being so boring.  My girlfriend who totally lives in California and I are gonna get together as soon as I get done with this semester and we’ll live a WAY cooler life than you worthless peons.  Besides med school isn’t worth the effort.  Being an online stock trader is where the money is at these days.  Some people just have no drive.

 

My Mother

My mother is the absolu- Hey!  Get out!  For the last time mom!  I want to be witty on the internet!  Get out of my room!  No mom, it’s my room.  Well I don’t care if you paid for this computer you gave it to me so it’s mine.  HEY. Mooooooooooooom.  Mom.  MOM.  LISTEN TO ME MOM.  MOOOOOMMMM.

-Allan, Contributor