It’s really easy, I promise. Just be sure to meet these criteria!
1. You have to actually be good looking, even on your “ugly days.”
2. Your name must be Tiffany, Ashley, Chloe, or Britney (you must spell it B-r-i-t-n-e-y, not any of those any other weird spellings.)
3. If your name is Chelsea or Courtney, this MAY be acceptable, but like you have to have an interview with us first. This is because sometimes Chelseas and Courtneys turn out to be kinda…weird. This one time this girl we let in, she was named Chelsea and she said she liked Star Wars! Oh my god, what even is that?! So as you see, this is *very* important. So to schedule an appointment, please call our secretary, Gretchen. Thanks:)
4. You must own three (3) different pairs of UGGs. And you have to wear them with short shorts along with the rest of us lovely ladies on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. And just a warning, you will be talked to if it is discovered that like your shorts aren’t short enough. This is important business as you have to represent us well in public DONT DESTROY OUR IMAGE.
5. Dating: so yeah, if you’re dating someone, it has to be one of the football players, male cheerleaders, or other douchebags that don’t actually do anything but are still somehow better than anyone else in the school. Please please please stay away from those unworthy grass-fairies and those slimy things known to the world as the band kids.
6. Join us every Friday night after the football games at Ashley’s house for the ritual sacrifice of oreos, the most fattening snack ever, to our Divine Goddess, Lindsay Lohan.
We hope you find these rules reasonable. Have a nice day, lovelies!
-Ashley 🙂
-Stav, Contributor