There’s a widely suggested theory that there are an infinite number of universes that exist – some with subtle differences to our timeline, others drastically different. Using my superhuman abilities of cosmic transcendence, I was recently able to visit some of these universes. On my journey, I noticed one element occurring particularly often between each universe: everybody wants to forget about their bleak and repetitive lives by watching less bleak, equally repetitive television. Here’s a look into some of the hottest transplanar television shows that are definitely real and totally not made up:
Breaking Bad: an Indian workplace comedy about a group of pranksters who try to get anxious intern Badarayana “Bad” Nalanagulagari to quit through a series of practical jokes
The Michael J. Fox Show: a reality show about the deadbeat cousin of the Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Blacklist: a reality show about a savant who tries to record all the black items he encounters on parchment
Mad Men: a fourteen-season-long serialization of “12 Angry Men”
Everybody Loves Raymond: a young sorceror in training tries casting a love spell on the girl he admires, but must deal with the consequences of his irresponsibility after his spell backfires and every living being on the planet vies for his attention
Keeping Up With The Kardashians: a drama about the athletic Kardashian brothers as they train for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, representing the underappreciated Armenian Track and Field team
Game of Thrones: a quiz show for only the savviest of chair enthusiasts
Jersey Shore: a miniseries about the struggles of New Jersey after Hurricane Sandy (note that in this universe, the struggle is much more substantial under the oppression of Chris Christie: World Emperor and Hot Dog King)
Burn Notice: to be honest I visited about twenty universes and I still haven’t met anybody who actually knows what this show is about
The Big Bang Theory: scientists explore the physics of explosions and tie them into theoretical analyses of the development of the universe (well, theirs) so as to better explain how things came into being, and for what purpose
Masters of Sex: a bunch of overweight 50-year-old men lie to themselves
Doctor Who: a mystery thriller about a highly esteemed neurosurgeon who wakes up one day to find that nobody recognizes who he is
Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood: a mild-mannered television host by day, cocaine kingpin by night, Fred Rogers (often going by his street name Mister Rogers) grapples with other drug lords trying to take over his turf
Glee: a sitcom where there is literally no drama or suspense or even basic conflict in any capacity because everybody is constantly happy
2 Broke Girls: an Indian workplace comedy and prequel to Breaking Bad, wherein a group of pranksters successfully turn two otherwise well-adjusted accountants into nervous wrecks through a series of practical jokes
American Idol: a Brooklyn beat cop partners with a small-town pastor as nearly every person in North America abandons their religions to worship an enormous golden calf that abruptly and unexplainably appeared in rural Missouri (in some universes, in small-town Dallas, MO)
-Jacob Conrad, Contributor