But have you ever stumbled upon a stereotype that didn’t seem to really make sense? Like, everyone agreed on it, but why? For instance, I had to explain to my roommate the other day why Slavs love squatting, and I honestly could not do it. Which got me thinking: What if instead of hate, we had nonsense? So I wrote this list of better stereotypes that probably shouldn’t offend anybody maybe. And the next time you see people on the internet discussing any sort of a country for which you have little reference, pull out this list so you can say something that’s as ignorant as it is perplexing.
Disclaimer: I am a white male, so there’s a 90% chance I say something accidentally racist, and that is totally my bad. There’s also nearly a 100% chance that something in here is going to clear “stupid and pointless” by a mile and land squarely in, “factually and demonstrably wrong,” so remember that my research for this bordered on nonexistent.
What Are People from Every Country Like?
A world tour conducted in confusing misjudgements of national character.
Afghanistan: Chronically uncertain about whether McD’s or BK is better.
Albania: Think stamps are a terrible idea.
Algeria: Confused about styrofoam.
Andorra: Prefer upside-down electrical outlets.
Angola: Think shoes are dumb as a fashion statement.
Antigua and Barbuda: Keep confusing which island they’re on.
Argentina: Super into Icebreakers.
Armenia: Wish they had a Wonder of the World.
Australia: Excellent at knock-knock jokes.
Austria: Think printer paper should be thicker.
Azerbaijan: Secretly hate the metric system.
Bahamas, the: Like to vacation in Idaho.
Bahrain: Drink tons of Capri-sun.
Bangladesh: Offended by the idea of air fresheners.
Barbados: Prefer romantic lying-on-a-hill to romantic walks.
Belarus: Don’t think baby bears are all that cute.
Belgium: Cannot be sincere about whether they liked your performance in your High School production of “Into the Woods.”
Belize: Collect Naruto merch, don’t tell anyone about it.
Benin: Natural aptitude for crocheting.
Bhutan: Keep their cards loose instead of in a wallet.
Bolivia: Fantastic at blackjack, awful at 5-card stud.
Bosnia and Herzegovina: Always accidentally wear sweaters when it’s really too warm, won’t admit they made a mistake.
Botswana: Won’t drink out of twist-cap bottles.
Brazil: Buy blue Solo cups instead of red just to make a statement.
Brunei: Write lots of Shakespeare fanfiction.
Bulgaria: Only swear to make themselves seem tough.
Burkina Faso: Hyphenate a lot of words.
Burma: Average body temperature runs more like 97.9 deg.F
Burundi: Think lizards are really cute.
Cambodia: Think mom-jeans are hot.
Cameroon: Eat lots of cookies.
Canada: Still a little worried about the Mayan prophecy.
Cape Verde: Excellent handwriting.
Central African Republic: Not sure about the difference between a republic and a democracy.
Chad: Use scissors left-handed.
Chile: Stress out about semi-colons.
China: Can never remember to switch the laundry.
Colombia: Not actually all that into soccer.
Comoros: Really like plain white Reeboks, mild crush on Cambodians.
Congo, Democratic Republic of the: Prefer low cheekbones.
Congo, Republic of the: Think islands seem unsafe.
Costa Rica: Everyone ties their shoes bunny-ear style.
Croatia: Lift with their backs.
Cuba: Comb their hair a lot more than is necessary.
Cyprus: Eat very slowly, still manage to overeat.
Czech Republic: Still think Ghostbusters was a drama.
Denmark: Only purchase very cheap headphones.
Djibouti: Never lose pencils, consider them too important to be without.
Dominica: Don’t like to eat breakfast.
Dominican Republic: Think the Coke logo is tacky.
East Timor: Impeccable senses of direction.
Ecuador: Prefer it to be very humid.
Egypt: Still pissed about whatever happened to the Sphinx.
El Salvador: Think German is a beautiful language.
Equatorial Guinea: Really fond of gum.
Eritrea: Terrible at World of Warcraft.
Estonia: Think cigarettes should be thicker.
Ethiopia: Bored by soap operas.
Fiji: Not actually all that into fancy water.
Finland: Very strong bones.
France: Use very small towels.
Gabon: Moisturize compulsively.
Gambia, the: Thought the Les Mis movie was really good.
Georgia: Sometimes speak with a Southern-American accent just for shits.
Germany: Write a lot of checks.
Ghana: Think puns are actually super funny.
Greece: Kind of weirded out by shellfish.
Grenada: Think Republic-of-the-Congonians are pussies.
Guatemala: Think pizza is overrated.
Guinea: Eat a lot of hummus.
Guinea-Bissau: Really fond of Canadians.
Guyana: Wish the Dreamcast hadn’t failed.
Haiti: Already tired of Game of Thrones.
Honduras: Don’t get the fuss about Kate Upton.
Hungary: Hate list pieces (sorry, guys).
Iceland: Get in a lot of internet arguments with Hondurans about Kate Upton.
India: Scared of seals.
Indonesia: If they put a shirt on inside-out, they just leave it that way.
Iran: Skip a lot. Like, walking skip. They actually don’t skip when it’s commercials on the DVR.
Iraq: Think snapping your fingers seems angry. Never snap near an Iraqi.
Ireland: Attracted to big shoulder-blades.
Israel: Prefer concrete to asphalt, think it looks cleaner.
Italy: Actually totally normal. Viva L’Italia!
Ivory Coast: Still think Bill Clinton is president of the U.S.A. It’s mostly just being in denial, they love saxophones.
Jamaica: Can count really fast. Like, unnaturally fast.
Japan: Wish that more denominations of money came in coins.
Jordan: Prefer vertical to horizontal window blinds.
Kazakhstan: Like really hard pillows, yet sleep on their stomachs.
Kenya: Just now getting into 80’s power ballads, the rest of us can only feel jealousy for their beautiful naïveté.
Kiribati: Own tons of stuffed animals.
Korea, North: Prefer gel to stick deodorant.
Korea, South: Thinks North Korea’s deodorant preferences are fucked up, and rightfully so.
Kosovo: Not as good at dancing as they like to think.
Kuwait: Weirdly good at geography. No I don’t care what countries contain the Amazon Rainforest, why would I care about that, Kuwait.
Kyrgyzstan: Annoyed by the sound peeling scotch tape makes.
Laos: Don’t realize how sexual eating a banana looks. Really sexual.
Latvia: Still in their Goth phase, godspeed.
Lebanon: Always forget to turn the TV off, embarrassingly always leave it on Days of Our Lives marathons.
Lesotho: Never liked Andy Warhol, but have good justifications for it.
Liberia: Refuse to use Child-proof caps.
Libya: Don’t really like chocolate.
Liechtenstein: Check their Facebook before their texts.
Lithuania: Can never remember where France is.
Luxembourg: Terrible at Scrabble.
Macedonia: Use extremely inky pens, large population of depressed left-handed people.
Madagascar: Prefer to use matches instead of lighters.
Malawi: Never ask for directions, always get lost.
Malaysia: Wish Mexico-senpai would notice them.
Maldives: Instinctual knowledge of boating.
Mali: Squeeze handles before using them.
Malta: Think tie-dye is really cool.
Marshall Islands: Have no idea who Marshall was.
Mauritania: Love their mothers-in-law.
Mexico: No idea that Malaysia is a country.
Micronesia, Federated States of: Terrified of commitment.
Moldova: Really good at basketball; never play basketball.
Monaco: Hate noir detective novels.
Mongolia: Always carry a change of socks.
Montenegro: Very generous towards the homeless. You go, Montenegro.
Morocco: Curious about waterskiing.
Mozambique: Rolls their sleeves up because they saw it in Grease.
Namibia: Thought Grease was dumb.
Nauru: Think Greece is dumb.
Nepal: Prefer valleys.
Netherlands: Still not getting that their country sounds kind of sexual.
New Zealand: Only smirked when they watched, “Who’s On First,” but to be fair they have no idea how in the hell baseball works.
Nicaragua: Think cigars look silly, still like to smoke them.
Niger: Think triceratops was the coolest dinosaur.
Nigeria: Crack their necks more often than their fingers.
Niue: Prefer women shorter than 5’3”.
Norway: Always get confused and think Hamlet was about their country. Me too, Norway.
Oman: Almost a 0% incidence rate of male sexual dysfunction.
Pakistan: Always take 15 longer than they think to get ready.
Palau: Ambidextrous with handguns.
Palestine: Still haven’t seen Star Wars.
Panama: Extraordinarily gullible. “No, really Panama, we want to build you a canal because it’ll be good for *you.*”
Papua New Guinea: Hate wearing sunglasses, unless they’re those springy roll-glasses from the eye-doctor, because those are awesome.
Paraguay: Perpetually afraid of mice.
Peru: Spend a lot of money on Pay-Per-View.
Philippines: Wish their country was more mountainous.
Poland: Love, “Where the Wild Things Are,” maybe a little too much.
Portugal: Always have stuffy noses.
Qatar: Cannot say, “specificity.”
Romania: Good at jigsaw puzzles.
Russia: Secretly suspect ants might be telepathic with one another. Can’t be disproved, I guess.
Rwanda: Settle everything with rock-paper-scissors, but call it, “paper-rock-scissors.” Weird.
Saint Kitts and Nevis: Thought that Twilight was really deep.
Saint Lucia: Only ever talk about getting a tattoo, never do it.
Saint Vincent and the Grenadines: Still trying to make it big as a band.
Samoa: Wear a ton of khaki.
San Marino: Cried at the end of that Robert Pattinson movie, “Remember Me.”
São Tomé and Príncipe: Hate idioms.
Saudi Arabia: Enjoy standardized tests.
Senegal: Probably hiding something.
Serbia: Terrible sense of smell.
Seychelles: Never complain about the weather.
Sierra Leone: Suck at, “I Spy.”
Singapore: Wonder about the moon a lot.
Slovakia: Hate minivans.
Slovenia: Love minivans.
Solomon Islands: Extremely indecisive. About minivans.
Somalia: Awful sense of balance.
South Africa: Wish Circuit City hadn’t gone out of business.
South Sudan: Speak very slowly.
Spain: Always stop eating before they’re too full.
Sri Lanka: Very grumpy in the morning.
Sudan: Easily amused by Post-It notes.
Suriname: Notorious pranksters.
Swaziland: Habitually bounce their legs, get angry if you point it out.
Sweden: Can never remember their left and right.
Switzerland: Use a lot of Ad Hominem.
Syria: Awful liars.
Tajikistan: Amazing punk musicians, terrible pop-punk musicians.
Tanzania: Bitter about Radiohead’s later albums.
Thailand: Think English sounds dumb but are actually thinking about Spanish.
Togo: Prefer lagers to ales.
Tonga: Draw lots of swords on everything.
Trinidad and Tobago: Think the Digimon Movie totally holds up. I’m sorry, guys, but no. Fatboy Slim is awesome though, you’re right.
Tunisia: Can’t stay on one radio station for more than two songs.
Turkey: Use the “Potato, potahto” line without knowing what exactly it means.
Turkmenistan: Always write out the number, no matter how large.
Tuvalu: Not susceptible to deals at the supermarket.
Uganda: Hate wearing gloves.
Ukraine: Always whistling.
United Arab Emirates: Meticulous about aural hygiene.
United Kingdom: Really subtly into buttons. Reeeeeaally super subtly.
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/09/30/article-2437813-1860C2F900000578-131_964x627.jpg.
Subtly.
United States of America: Fantastic at Pictionary and have no idea they are.
Uruguay: Never have awkward teen phases.
Uzbekistan: Have awkward twenty-something phases instead of teen phases.
Vanuatu: Dislike the Pokemon games.
Vatican City: Try drinking from the wrong side of the glass before holding their breath to cure hiccups.
Venezuela: Still drink a ton of Tang.
Vietnam: When counting on fingers, go, “1-thumb, 2-index, 3-pinky, 4-ring, 5-middle.”
Yemen: Love traveling songs.
Zambia: Wish people appreciated Taylor Swift more.
Zimbabwe: Perplexed by honey. What is it? Who knows.
-Ryan Greer, Staff-Writer