Guys the beginning of the year has been pretty rough on me. Why, in addition to the several papers I’ve been assigned, I’ve got an exam coming up in two days that I know just about nothing for. That’s mainly a side effect of playing Tetris the entire class period but I digress. Right now, I should really be religiously scouring the Powerpoints my professor posted on Carmen, or maybe reading the textbook chapter assigned tomorrow, and that’s not even covering the paper due at midnight which I still haven’t started. But no, that can wait. Right now I’m writing for a comedy magazine.
That’s right. During one of my cyclical checkings of Facebook, Gmail, Tumblr, and Reddit (in that order), I came up with the bright idea to write an article for the Sundial, postponing my research pa- Actually, wait a sec. I’m going to check my email really quick. Okay, maybe my Facebook too. And maybe my email a second time. Can’t be too certain. Wait, according to my email, somebody JUST commented on my Facebook status.
Okay that’s over with, cool. It turns out my bestie from high school ALSO likes the new Taylor Swift Song. Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, the paper. It’s currently 11:28. I have 32 minutes to write a 3 page paper, which I can’t do until I finish this article. Why can’t I, you ask? Because this isn’t something that’s tedious, that I have to force myself to do. It’s a lot easier to write this article or play Doodle Jump than it is to write about molecular cytogenetics. As a music major, I honestly don’t even know why I’m in that advanced biochemistry class. And finding sources can be a pain when the entire internet is out there for me to consume. Let me just google “Molecular Cytogenetics” really quick. Okay Wikipedia ought to be a decent source. Hey while I’m on here, I wonder if Fidel Castro is still alive. Wow I guess he is! Dude’s ancient. I’m gonna see what he’s been up to recently.
Dammit, I can’t though… It’s 11:36. First I have to finish that paper, which I can’t do until I write this article and beat my high score in Doodle Jump. It’s just those panels you have to move around with your finger. Those always seem to get me, you know? Like I can’t hold the phone with just one hand, I have to use both.
NO! This is getting really off-topic. I’m starting to feel like I’m writing words to fill in an arbitrary word count, but really I can end this whenever I want to. But it just doesn’t seem conclusive yet. Wait, hold that thought, I’m going to go get a drink.
Okay, Back again, its 11:52, and I’m still nowhere close to finishing this article, let alone my paper. On the plus side I finally did pretty decent in Doodle Jump. 40,000 is good right? Hmm… I don’t know actually. I wonder if they collect data and there’s like an average doodle jump score somewhere.
I just looked it up. The average is around 31,000 so I did well, all things considered. But man, like some people have millions and millions of points. I bet that they average out with the people that only get like 1000, so that’s why the median score is that high. Dammit is it really12:03 now? Crap. Oh well, I guess there’s no use finishing that paper now. I think I’m gonna turn in for the night.
-Allan, Staff-Writer