Recently the NFL has come under criticism for their lax approaches to reprimanding players for serious offenses such as domestic abuse and child abuse. Ray Rice of the Baltimore Ravens was given a two-game suspension after knocking out his fiancé Janay Rice. More recently, Adrian Peterson was deactivated for one game following charges of child abuse.
The Sundial spoke with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell today to see where the NFL stands on other sensitive topics. We at The Sundial are hopeful that the NFL will pleasantly surprise us. We believe that they will show us that they understand how their actions speak volumes on their views of serious issues.
The Sundial: “Mr. Goodell, looking back, do you feel a two-game suspension was the appropriate punishment for Ray Rice?”
Roger Goodell: “Honestly, no. We definitely made a mistake there, and we deeply regret it. It should have been a three-game suspension.”
The Sundial: “Mr. Goodell, domestic violence is a very serious and important issue. 1 in 4 women will be a victim of domestic violence during their lifetime. Do you realize that you undermined the seriousness of the issue when you only suspended Ray Rice for two games?”
Roger Goodell: “Yeah, I mean I guess. But do you know what else is also an important issue?”
The Sundial: “What?”
Roger Goodell: “Money.”
The Sundial: “Oh my God.”
Roger Goodell: “Bazinga!”
The Sundial: “Please stop talking. Greg Hardy played Week 1, despite his assault conviction. What do you have to say about that?”
Roger Goodell: “Oh don’t worry. Before he played, we talked and he said ‘Sorry, man’. And I was like ‘You’re not going to assault and threaten your ex-girlfriend again, right?’, and then he was all like ‘Nope.’, so then I was like, ‘Okie doke! Have a great season!’ Problem solved.”
The Sundial: *Three full minutes of stunned silence* So out of curiosity, where does the NFL stand on other serious issues?”
Roger Goodell: “Like what?”
The Sundial: “How about animal abuse? The NFL faced this issue with Michael Vick.”
Roger Goodell: “Hey now! He stopped playing for the NFL for a little bit after that incident!”
The Sundial: “Yes, that is correct. But I think you’re forgetting that he stopped playing for the NFL because he was serving time in jail.”
Roger Goodell: “You focus on the negative too much. Think about it this way, he stopped playing for the NFL. Does it really matter where the punishment came from?”
The Sundial: “Yes. Yes it does. Would you please comment on the controversy surrounding Adrian Peterson right now?”
Roger Goodell: “Ummm…..nahhhh.”
The Sundial: “Let me rephrase that. Comment on the controversy surrounding Adrian Peterson.”
Roger Goodell: “Child abuse is a very serious issue. The Minnesota Vikings took action, and we’re proud of them for that.”
The Sundial: “He was deactivated for one game. He was then immediately reinstated. Only after sponsors began dropping like flies did the Vikings decide to indefinitely deactivate Peterson. Call me crazy, but it seems to me that you only take serious action when you face backlash, am I correct in that assumption?”
Roger Goodell: “Actually that’s pretty spot on.”
The Sundial: “Out of curiosity, is there any issue that the NFL takes seriously in regards to player conduct?”
Roger Goodell: “No, not particularly. Domestic abuse, child abuse, animal abuse are all important issues, but we just don’t care about those issues here in the NFL…..Wait, I take that back. We do care about player conduct. But only after our sponsors threaten to drop us, because we do care about the issue of money. So yeah, our players can do whatever they want, just as long as they don’t upset our sponsors to the point where they stop giving us money.”
The Sundial: “Well this has been sufficiently unpleasant. I’m going to leave now because I cannot handle your stupidity.”
Roger Goodell: “Be sure to stop by the gift shop on the way out and buy a Ray Rice jersey! 25% off!”
-Marianne Iskander, Staff-Writer