To be honest, I have always thought that Sutton Foster was a delicious Sothern desert. If you don’t get that, then this article may not be for you. But, if you cried heresy, prepare to excommunicate me from the Church of Theater, because, just like Suttons Foster, it’s about to get sacrilicous.
Mary Poopins: A spoonful of laxatives makes anything go down, and out for that matter.
Singin’ in the Pain: Alternate Tittle – Saw: The Musical
Rest Side Story: Spoiler – Jets win because the Puerto Ricans take daily siestas, as stated in the tittle.
The Wizard of iOS: I’ll get you my pretty, and that slightly bent phone of yours too!
The Sound of Muzak: The whole thing vaguely sounds like The Sound of Music.
The Music Can: Can Matthew Broderick really pass off as a con-man? No, but a tin can.
Victoria Victoria: A repetitive ordeal where a girl pretends to be a girl who is pretending to be a girl.
The King and A: Ending on an indefinite article is a no-no, unless you’re Rodgers or Hammerstein.
Piddler on the Roof: A touching and emotional look at stray dogs who pee on poor Jewish men.
Oliver?: Literally a man on stage just said “Oliver?” for an hour and a half, with NO intermission.
Guys and Doles: A complicated love story, between a hardened New York gangster and a pineapple.
Annie Get Your Gum: Legend say Annie could chew gum better than anyone, even the men!
Hello, Jolly: Barbra Streisand reprises her role as Santa Claus in this timeless classic.
Phantom of the Oprah: You get a Masquerade, you get a Masquerade, everybody gets a Masquerade!
Beauty and The Beat: You’re going to be very disappointed it’s Justin Bieber, and not the root vegetable.
Rant: Literally a man on stage yelling about all the stuff that sucked in Rent
Jesus Christ Supercar: Spoiler – It’s a Chrysler.
A Punny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum: or, as I see it, Popsicle Sticks: The Musical.
HairSpay: Takes place in the events immediately following Piddler on the Roof.
-James Wagner, Contributor