- Finals are finally over + college kid who took four exams and wrote three papers in one week = “You mean I can finally sleep now? …what is this sleep of which you speak?”
- Poor college kid + last paycheck for the semester = “Do I want to buy Christmas presents or pay rent next month?”
- Junior who just switched her major again + too many family members asking if she has her life figured out yet = “Please excuse me while I go have a mental breakdown and drink myself into a coma”
- Klutzy freshman + actually attempting to celebrate his Jewish heritage = “Why the hell did you think it was a good idea to light your menorah at 1:30am, set off the fire alarm, and kick all of the residents out of the building?”
- Poor college kid + good friends she really wants to get presents for = “Oh, here’s this half-ass craft I made you for Christmas, please don’t hate me.”
- Ohio State student + relatives who are too excited that they have family at “The” Ohio State University = “Oh, thanks [insert relative] for buying me a scarlet and grey sweater for the tenth year in a row. Now I have one in every size.”
- College kid – all of his tuition money = “Mom, I really need socks and underwear for Christmas…”
- Parents who are way too into decorating for the holidays + college kid who plugs his laptop into the wrong outlet = “Damnit, your mother and I put so much work into these decorations, and you went and blew the fuse. And look, now the snowman on the lawn is deflating.”
- College kid who can’t cook + all of the leftovers from Christmas dinner = “Ooh, now there will actually be more in my fridge than mustard and old cheese slices.”
- Spoiled brat who won’t stop talking about all of the great stuff she got for Christmas + all of her friends = “I can’t promise I won’t shank her in her sleep to shut her up…”
- College kid + all of the absolute craziness that goes on whenever he goes home, especially for the holidays = “Yeah, my break was great. Yours?”
-Stacey Haerr, Contributor