Dear (I’m sorry I can’t remember your name),

Listen, I know that this letter is off to a bad start, considering that I can’t remember your name, but hear me out. The name thing shouldn’t matter, as Shakespeare once said, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet,” and I may not remember the name by which to call you, but I remember how sweetly you smell.

Rereading that, that might have sounded a bit creepy. It’s supposed to be a metaphor, like I remember the important things, not “I remember how you smell” in a literal sense. I mean, I do remember how you smell, but not in a creepy way. You know, I wouldn’t tell a girl that I remember how she smells, like that. I just have a good memory. Although, not for names, apparently—I really need to work on that.

The point is: I really like you. That one conversation we had in the hallway was enough to tell me everything I need to know about you. You’re pretty, nice—and that smile. You’re majoring in French (Je suis un sac d’amour) and English. And sometimes you really need to get to class.

That might not sound like a lot, but I also looked you up on Facebook (this was before I forgot your name—I am really blanking on that), and I think we have a lot in common. I mean, the things you’re interested in aren’t the things I’m interested in, but they’re things that I could definitely see myself becoming interested in. Reading and music and all that shit. I could definitely get into that stuff.

I know letters are creepy, and I really would have rather spoken to you in person, but I never see you around. It’s starting to seem like you’re avoiding me, which I totally get, I’m a shy person too. I mean, not so shy that I haven’t spent long nights circling around your door hoping to bump into you (you have a really solid bladder, by the way), but shy nonetheless.

Anyway, I really would like to spend some more time with you, and this seemed like the only way to make my feelings known. I think you could be the one.

Sincerely,

Peter from 204

P.S. Your roommate is very rude. Every time I run into her outside of your room, she tells me to go do ungodly things to myself. I’m really sorry that you have to deal with a person like that. If you ever need to talk about it, know that I’m there for you.

-EJS, Staff-Member