Dear Debra,

Yah, that’s right I found out your fucking name. I was talking to David, the “resident advisor”—more like “resident jerk”. He asked me about you, and after I went on for thirty minutes about how beautiful your eyes are and about how you always dress well, he dropped the bomb shell that you think I’m creepy. What the fuck is that? You don’t even know me!

Look, I was trying to be nice about this, but that shit is ridiculous. I have been nothing but nice to you. I’ve had—what? One interaction with you, and you think that’s enough to make a judgment call like that? You know, I thought that you might be the one, but I am really starting to reconsider that.

And you know what? I’d still like to get to know you better, if only to prove how fucking wrong you are about me. You’d probably fall in love with me, and in all likelihood I’d be the one to break up with you. I’ve broken up with every girl I’ve ever dated within a week—which was only one girl—but still it’s a fucking trend. That just proves how high my standards really are. You’re lucky to even meet them.

And, listen, I don’t think I’d end up breaking up with you. I’ve grown up a lot since third grade. I mean, when I think back on my relationship with Wendy, I can’t even remember why I liked her. Things were never that hot and heavy between us, you know. And I pretty sure she only liked me because I brought animal crackers to school. But with you it’s different, when I see you, I feel like we have a special connection. But you’re never going to realize that if you keep avoiding me. On Thursday at 10:28 I saw you in the hallway, and you were pretending to do something on your phone so that you could avoid making eye contact with me, and then you turned right to go out of the east exit of the building, despite the fact that you have a class on north campus at 10:45. So you went out of your way to avoid going down the hallway I was walking down. What? You think I want to talk to you after you told an RA that I’m creepy? I mean, I do, but the fact that you think that is insulting. Get over yourself.

I still like you though,

Peter from 204

-EJS, Staff-Member