Columbus, OH: According to local reports, local kitten, Whiskers, 2, declared its candidacy for the Republican Nomination for the 2016 presidential election Wednesday.
Little is known about Whiskers’ views on the major issues in relation to the next election cycle, such as income inequality, gun control, climate change, or abortion; yet, the kitten’s favorability in relation to other potential nominees has already surged. In the last Gallup poll, Whiskers was only trailing Donald Trump in popularity among Republican candidates by a few percentage points.
“Ugggh I love that cat! She’s definitely a unique candidate and just the fresh face we needed to see this election cycle, I’m so tired of politics as usual,” says local college professor, Wendy, 52. “She’s definitely got my vote! Besides, anything could be better than Obama at this point.”
“I respect Whiskers and I believe she has a lot to offer as a presidential candidate,” said presidential candidate, front-runner, rich guy, and asshole Donald Trump when interviewed yesterday about Whiskers’ candidacy. “It’s going to be a difficult race, though I do feel confident that I can win. May the best candidate, or the one with the most money, win! ”
Indeed, everyone seems pleased with Whiskers’ candidacy, save for the local mouse population.
There has been, however, a minor snag in Whisker’s candidacy. After all, can a cat run for president? When asked about the legality of his bid for the nomination, Whiskers meowed something along the lines of “Well, Ted Cruz was born in Canada and no one’s questioning him, so….”
Of course, the primary elections are up and coming, so stay tuned for the Sundial Humor Magazine’s completely accurate (or, at least,more accurate than Fox News) political news coverage on the 2016 election!
-Stav, Senior Staff Member