COLUMBUS, OHIO – After taking a quiz on Buzzfeed.com called, “Which Famous Chris Should You Date Based On Your Zodiac Sign?” Helen Morine decided to file for divorce from her husband of 32 years because the site revealed her true love is Chris Hemsworth. “I love Henry. I’ve never had a problem with him but I just can’t pass up this opportunity,” said Morine when asked about the decision to leave her husband and move to Australia, the native land of her so-called new “bosom buddy.” When asked about his opinion, Helen’s ex-husband, Henry, responded, “I don’t blame her. If I had the chance to sleep with Thor, I’d divorce me too. Plus, I took a my own quiz on Buzzfeed that would tell me what celebrity I was most likely to marry in a rowboat off the coast of the small island Monuriki and got Mila Kunis. So I’m gonna try and follow up on that.”
While the ex-couple was ecstatic about their new endeavors, they offered no word on the custody of their 8 and 10 year old children. After more research, it was discovered that Helen’s sister, Alice Hanks, removed the children from the household upon receiving the news from her sister. When asked for comment, Henry continued, “The site also said Chris would be my celebrity BFF. We’re already in the works of planning a double date.” Hanks plans on adopting the children, since she has also taken a quiz on Buzzfeed that claims she will have two kids. She has decided to neglect the distinction that the father should be Chris Pratt because she has had a soft spot for Chris Evans ever since she saw him as Captain America.
-Lauren Moliterno, Staff Member