You may have read on The Lantern recently about Daniel and Mackenzie Sandberg, who were inspired by OSU while picking out their daughter’s name. Ellie Carmen Ohio Sandberg was born just over two weeks ago, on top of a piece of turf from the Ohio Stadium in a hospital in Santa Clara, California. The enthusiastic buckeye couple is back in the news after the release of their parenting plan, which made headlines across campus. The plan is presented below, take notes, future buckeye parents!

Home:

Ellie’s living space is essential to her growth as the model buckeye fan. The turf she was birthed on has since been hosed down and used to line her crib, which was meticulously handcrafted from the wood of former OSU President William Oxley Thompson’s desk (which cost significantly more than a four year education at a public university). The rest of the furniture was matched as closely as possible to that found in an average dorm room, so that Ellie will become accustomed to where she will spend so much of her time during college.

Out of School Learning:

Ellie must prepare for future at The Ohio State University, which she will attend when she comes of age. In that torturous 18 years before Ellie reaches the highlight of her life, she will learn all the essential skills for fitting in with the other students: beer pong technique, napping in the library, and making buckeye necklaces. It is the goal of her parents that Ellie will attend every Ohio State game and find the perfect bathroom for pooping on campus.

Diet:

In the goal of staying authentic to the diet of an OSU student, Ellie will subsist only on the following…

  • Natty Light

  • Buckeyes (the nut, not the dessert)

  • Stolen fruit from Traditions cafeterias

  • Cane’s toast

  • Microwave Kraft Mac & Cheese cups

 

When asked what their biggest worries were as parents, Daniel and Mackenzie answered in unison, “Above all else, we hope she won’t turn out to be a Michigan fan.”

 

-Sara Isaac, Contributor