If you are reading this, then you obviously do not know how to sports. That’s okay, as sports can be a difficult thing to do. In today’s society, sports are everywhere. They’re on TV, on the radio, and even in your drinks. This guide will teach you the basics of five sports that you may want to sport, but cannot really get the grasp of.
1.) Football
Ah, the classic American sport whose name we stole from an already established game. We associate it with autumn and bowls, both very different, yet important, things. When watching a football game, know that the ball is not a sphere. Why it is not still perplexes scientists to this day. When the game starts, you will see several men running around in helmets and trying to stop the person carrying the ball. Do not be alarmed as this is normal. Teams score by getting touchdowns and field goals. The first meaning that they are going to get the ball near the giant fork and the latter meaning they will kick the ball between the tongs of said fork. After two halves the game are over, it is more than likely everyone will be talking about it the next day. Soon, though, they will forget about what happened as there will be a new game starting a relatively short time after.
2.) Baseball
That’s right, America’s pastime. Stare and be amazed as huge men try to comically hit a small ball with wooden bats. They will try to hit a “home run,” which means that they are going to try to give someone on the opposite side of the stadium a concussion with the ball. The players will then attempt to run around the field, or diamond for those who like shapes, and reach home base. I know what you’re thinking, that the sport of baseball took its terminology from the phrases we associate with getting some, but, surprisingly, those are based on the sport itself. Anyway, after the player gets to home base they will get one point, and then the game just repeats itself over and over.
3.) Basketball
The iconic sport played by Michael Jordan, LeBron James, and other people that aren’t them. This one requires that people go up and down a court trying to get a ball through a hole with a net attached to the bottom. Unlike football, the ball is a classic sphere, a concept that still perplexes scientists to this day. The game features many fun things as people shooting the ball, people dribbling the ball, and people dunking the ball. In order, these mean that they throw the ball at the hoop, smack the ball down so that it comes back up, and jump up and put the ball through the hole. The last one is very difficult, and most of us will probably die regretful lives never having been able to do so.
4.) Golf
Golf really doesn’t matter.
5.) NASCAR
Fast cars and loud noises are what you will find with this sport. Even if one does not know how to drive, one can appreciate the grace and civility that this sport provides. Once the “cars” are on the “track” they start to go and turn “left” for many a lap. There are hundreds of laps that they have to do, I think. I mean, the same excitement that one would find from Mario Kart they can find here, but with real people like Jeff Gordon, and…Jr, something? Anyway, they race and race until they have finally done so many laps that one person wins. At one special race they drink milk for winning, isn’t that cool?
I hope that this guide to sports has enlightened you to the wonders and joy that these particular sports can bring. Take an interest in one of the sports that is here, and try sporting it yourself. There is no harm in trying, probably.
-Norm Steinmetz, Staff Member