[Fairy Tale Land]—Cupid has just been announced that he will be switching from his traditional bow and arrows to finger guns in order to take a stand for non-violence and against the traditional materialism.
In a public statement Cupid said: “Every year I get a new bow because I wear it out. I have to buy it from a sporting goods store and then pay Hallmark to brand their logo on it. I’m sick and tired of spending the money on it every year. Hallmark has taken all of my business and it gets harder and harder to make a living without partnering with them every year.”
When asked what brought about this change Cupid said, “Arrows are cumbersome and violent. I always have my fingers with me. It’s much easier to imagine finger-love bullets flying towards people rather than aim a bow. In the past I’ve missed a lot with arrows. You may remember the Helen of Troy incident; that was my fault. The arrow that hit Paris was supposed to hit a small song bird nearby so [Helen] would hear beautiful music. No one knows about it because, at the time, if someone found out it would have been a huge P.R. disaster for me.”
He also mentioned that this should not affect the effectiveness of the arrows. He wouldn’t tell us the inner mechanism of the new finger guns. Apparently it’s a trade secret how fairy tale characters generate love magic. Hallmark has several patents on love magic and keeps the secrets very under wraps. He did mention that the finger guns and the arrows operate on the same principle. For those of you interested in learning more about Cupid’s new non-violence policy, you can visit his website at www.hallmark.com.
-Adam Hribar, Staff Member