The month of April has begun, which means my graduation is fast approaching. After four years at this fine public university, I’m about to decorate my graduation cap with pictures of Spongebob Squarepants and receive my Bachelor of Art in English. My only argument is that I deserve more degrees than that, or at least more lines on my resume, because of all I’ve been through in college. Here’s a short list of other things I deserve a degree for:
- Being alive at the same time as Afro Duck
- Parallel parking at my internship three times a week
- Shamelessly self-promoting The Sundial
- The amount of times my umbrella has blown inside out on the way to class
- Writing papers on books I neglected to read
- Waking up at 6am to schedule classes right when my registration window opens (7 times)
- Getting soft serve ice cream at Kennedy Commons just so I can justify dumping the entire container of Heath bar pieces on top of it
- Ordered and ate an entire pizza by myself one Valentine’s day
- Getting over my fear of pooping in public bathrooms
- Elaborately pretending not to notice someone trying to hand me a flyer on the Oval
- Going to the emergency room on a football game day because the student health center wasn’t open
- Got lost on the way to a corn maze, then got lost in the corn maze
- A guy brought a sticky hand (the stretchy toy you get from a quarter vending machine outside the drugstore) to a Halloween party and slapped me in the leg with it from across the room
- Calling my mom every once in a while
But in the university’s eyes, none of those things are worth an embossed piece of parchment paper and my face on the jumbotron, are they?
-Ivy Decker, Senior Staff Member