For students no longer interested in joining clubs for their resume, the Ohio Union is launching the Secret Clubs Involvement Fair.
“The Involvement Fair is a freshman convention,” said a student who wished to remain anonymous. “The Secret Involvement Fair is where students really find their place on campus.
“But no one ever has to know.”
Students interested in the event will have to search far and wide for details, however. The time and place has yet to be announced.
Until rumors began circulating about the Secret Fair, the Ohio Union had never admitted to the existence of the secret campus clubs directory. It is alleged that secret campus records have chartered clubs at Ohio State for over 100 years.
“There are more secrets on this campus than you can tell at the whispering wall,” said an anonymous Ohio Union employee.
The Secret Fair will not be a university-sanctioned event since President Drake was snubbed from joining the secret jam band club in July 2014. Brian Meadows, an OSU spokesman, has criticized the secret club registry.
“Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secret, secrets hurt someone,” said Meadows.
Although it’s not a university-sanctioned event, OSU has offered to install Rent-a-Fences around the fair and require wristbands for entry if anyone can tell them when and where the fair will be held.
According to the Ohio Union, the participating clubs are not for students looking to build their resumes. They will not help you in your classes. They are intended for students looking for something exclusive, something thrilling or something weird.
“Everyone who slacklines on the Oval is in a secret club,” said the anonymous Ohio Union representative. “And hammocks. Anyone in a hammock is definitely in a secret club.”
One of the featured clubs for 2016 is the Pizza Collective.
“Our secret is: there’s no free pizza,” said the president of the Pizza Collective.
The Sundial Humor Magazine was one of the elusive secret clubs when it launched in 1911. The magazine used to write puns about clocks on the Oval. Slackliners unmasked the time-telling jokesters in 2013.
The Sundial is not the only club to leave the secret club directory. Some secret clubs have folded in the recent years. The Ohio State Scientology Club disbanded after the “South Park” Scientology episode, and The Secret Formula Club folded in 2015 after someone released the Cane’s sauce recipe on social media.
The time and place of the fair may be announced via a cup on a string in August, according to someone on Yik Yak.
– Travis Filicky, Senior Staff Member