The Effects of Catchphrase Implementation on Social Bonding
As a species that often depends on each other for survival, the core of human existence is held together through social bonds. Previous research has explored different types of communication, looking at how wording can affect responses (Yang et. al, 2009) and even how communication can epigenetically alter protein expressions in young animals (Emmerson, 2006). I examined how the implementation of a certain phrase, used repeatedly before, after, and in the middle of sentences, could affect my relationships. Specifically, I took to using the phrase, “And you can take that one to the bank!!” in conversation whenever marginally relevant. For example, every morning I would look out the window, observe the weather, and make a comment such as, “They said no rain, but I bet today is going to be a frog-strangler, and you can take that one to the bank!!” Or I would cleverly work the catchphrase into business conversations, i.e. “Here is our deposit from last week’s earnings, and you can take that one to the bank!!” I observed a decrease in invitations to social events, text messages, and phone calls from everyone except my parents, whose phone calls increased tenfold in order to discuss whether or not I was correctly following the directions on my medications. This result was significant (p=0.0001), indicating that the catchphrase had eroded my social relationships, contrary to my hypothesis. As a follow-up experiment, I plan to start using the catchphrase, “We must be on uneven terrain, cuz that bitch is trippin’!” followed by a wink in an attempt to establish an even more colloquial demeanor and regain the affection I lost during the data collection phase of the first experiment.
Number of Guests in Attendance at My Birthday Party as a Function of Tipping Amount
They say that true friends cannot be bought, but can people be lightly coerced into attending the birthday party of someone they do not know if they are offered a substantial tip? Last month, I ordered delivery from three establishments (Donatos, Taste of Orient, and Amazon.com). When the delivery person showed up, I accepted my order while casually mentioning that my birthday was next month. Then, when giving them a tip, I invited them to my party. If they refused to attend, I handed them additional $20 bills until they agreed. Both the Donatos and Taste of Orient delivery men agreed and showed up at my birthday party (which had a Transformers theme). My Amazon.com order was sent by a drone who did not attend my party due to a previous conflict. The average amount that I had to pay before obtaining an agreement was $680. In a follow-up experiment, I tested whether 9-1-1 emergency responders would attend my party even after being called to my home under false pretenses. I called 9-1-1 to report a fire and when emergency response showed up, I explained that it was just a goof, offered them a tip, and invited them to the party. While none accepted my tip, they did fine me $300. Just one fireman showed up to my birthday party, and only because he said he was really into marble cake and I looked like the kind of guy who knew how to make it correctly. Whether or not attendance was coupled with feelings of obligation, pity, or true friendship are unknown at this point, but will be assessed through follow-up questionnaires placed in gift bags that were distributed at the end of the party.
The Effects of Personal Expression on Obtaining Sensitive Information
Mutual sharing of personal information is an important part of forming and maintaining human relationships. Previous research has suggested that the more people feel they know about someone else, the more comfortable they are divulging their secrets to that person (Gregson, 1988). To test this notion, I decided to share secrets about myself to guests at a dinner party and count how many secrets they told me in return. First, I approached a woman trying to comfort a crying baby. I got her attention by snapping, and then told her, “I still have all my original baby teeth.” This seemed to be a relevant secret, due to the presence of the baby. She did not tell me any secrets of her own and instead alerted her husband, Jeff, to get me away from her. Next, I walked up to a man drinking champagne and said, “I once had to kill a bat with a hammer to keep it out of my garage.” The man then choked on his champagne for a few minutes, and I doubted that he would tell me any secrets about himself once the choking ceased, so I left. Finally, at the conclusion of the meal, I loudly announced that I once hit a bump on the highway and kept driving, and to this day I’m not sure if it was an animal or a man. The conversation then ceased for 7 minutes while the guests silently moved their remaining food around their plates without eating any of it. Contrary to previous findings, these results suggest that people will be more likely to share their secrets with you if you don’t tell them secrets about yourself— especially if your secrets involve baby teeth, bat murders, and potential hit-and-runs.
The Influence of Binge Eating on Date Satisfaction
For hundreds of years, humans have been coupling dates with food, which can provide not only sustenance, but a certain mood that can work to complement romantic endeavors. Previous research from the 1900s has shown that women are impressed by men with disposable incomes, and research from the 1600s has shown that women are impressed by men who can eat a lot of meat. If this is true, it follows that women will be impressed by a man who orders a large amount of expensive meats (indicating a disposable income) and then eats all of them. To test this, I invited a woman I met in line at State Farm to join me at a local highbrow restaurant. When we arrived, I made sure to initially establish that I had a disposable income by handing her $50 with no explanation. When the subject tried to express that she wasn’t a prostitute, I simply said, “I know. It’s just a little something to show how much I appreciate you,” followed by finger guns. When the waiter came, the subject ordered a cup of soup as an appetizer, and I ordered 3 full rotisserie chickens. When the subject said that she could not possibly help me eat 3 rotisserie chickens, I replied, “I’m not looking for help.” The subject stared as I devoured 3 full chickens as an appetizer; she blinked just 5 times over the course of 23 minutes. As a main course, the subject ordered shrimp and pasta, and I ordered the full body of a wild boar (whose price I listed out loud as I ordered it). I even ate the skin and face to show just how much meat I could ingest. One confounding variable in the experiment was the fact that I threw up halfway through eating the boar’s shoulder. Previous research has suggested that women are averse to emesis in romantic settings (Rogers, 1997), so this event may have skewed the results. At the end of the meal, the subject ordered an Uber to take her home, although I had driven her to the restaurant. An average of 0% of my emails to the subject since the date have been answered, and she has since gotten engaged to another man. This indicates that to successfully impress a woman, one should eat at least 4 rotisserie chickens and 2 wild boars without emesis.