THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY (COLUMBUS), NORTH CAMPUS- On August 19th, a new rec center opened on The Ohio State University (Columbus)’s North campus directly by Scott Commons. Due to the lack of a good acronym, the writer has decided to go with NRPAC (pronounced “narpack”), for “North RPAC.” We asked questions of the people walking out of Scott and here are some of the reactions we got opening day:

From an extremely fit male student, “Yes finally, a place with glass walls so all the ladies on campus can see me lift very heavy weights and then do nothing to my legs because those muscles aren’t as sexy.”

From a male student in normal shape, wiping his hands with a napkin and tossing the used napkin over his shoulder with reckless abandon, “Eh, I’ll probably go once or twice a week, just to try and stave off the freshman fifteen.”

Overweight male student, “Oh gee I don’t know I’m not really the working out type. Sorry, excuse me while I walk a mile to my next class” (the walk he took was reported to have been the most exercise he has ever gotten and the boy is now well on his way to physical fitness).

A group of sorority girls who had just taken a picture arranged in a semicircle with their hands on their knees, “Oh my god. Zoomba. We are all gonna get a great Alpha Sigma Sigma!”

A freshman wearing glasses with tape on the bridge of the nose, “Ya I’ll go every day. Wait, my mom didn’t tell you to ask me that did she? Wait that must be her… Mom stop calling!… Yes I’m doing laundry!”

Clearly, the enthusiasm across all types of people on campus is astounding. President Drake commented to Sundial reporters, “I am so excited that looking at this place will fill everyone on North Campus with shame as they walk back to their dorm with a foam container full of fried breakfast food…”

The ribbon cutting ceremony was done by a human-sized bag of sentient Whey protein powder and attended by that same “extremely fit male student” from earlier in the piece, who was last seen entering the building. He has since been reported missing by his roommate.

-Connor Rigney, Contributor