Curious about what to wear to your Halloween party? Want to wear something topical? Well here at the Sundial, we have ten spooktacular ideas!
- Slutty Harambe
Want to get into some monkey business on Halloween? First, put on your black morph-suit. Don’t have one? Then put on your silver morph-suit. Next, shave your black Pomeranian. Don’t have a black Pomeranian? Shave your Dad’s back. Put the hair over your… naughty bits. Then cut off all the morph suit that isn’t covered in hair. Next go to the jungle in Africa and live among the apes for several months (considering Halloween is close, you’ll just have to make do with the time you have) or just watch Tarzan. Then, ask your neighbor if you can borrow their small child for the night and carry him/her around while getting very defensive around the guy dressed up as a zookeeper.
- Slutty George W. Bush
Get jiggy with 43 in this chic outfit. How to make it? Simple. First, Fake a southern accent like your dad is from Connecticut and you relocated to Texas. You know, like that girl you grew up with in Cleveland but then went to UT for college and came back home after one semester with a Texan accent. Good news is that you’re halfway there. Next, daisy dukes. Are you a guy with hairy legs? Don’t worry, so is good ol’ George. Then, get cowboy boots, a must for anything dealing with the Bush White House. Now you may be thinking to yourself, “is this just slutty cowboy?” The answer to that is, well, ya. Here’s where it gets interesting. First, put on a dress shirt. Done? Now crop it. Just take a pair of scissors and cut off everything below the chest. Then put on a red tie to really tie the whole outfit together.
- Slutty Bobby Fischer
Capture latent fear of another Cold War with this; the KING of all outfits. First, develop an ability to play chess (note: spend 6-10 hours a day for 5+ years to really hone the skills). Next, walk into the party wearing an extremely tattered suit and start going off on anti-semitic and anti-communist rants. Then, part way through the party, reveal that you have a pawn-shaped butt plug. That will be sure to get everyone’s… ROOKS off.
- Slutty Baby
Curious how a grown man in a diaper could be sexy? Just grab a long, pink umbilical cord when your local giant gives birth and use that as a whip with your favorite babysitter.
- Slutty Amish Woman
There’s nothing… a-mish with this outfit. Just dress up as your classic Amish woman, but just flash a little ankle every once in awhile.
- Slutty Grammy-Nominated Hard Rock Band Disturbed
Go hard with this outfit, straight from the closets of your nearest hell-fire. This costume is very simple. First, just wear your normal clothes. Then, whenever you talk to a girl, somehow work in the phrase “down with the sickness” into the conversation.
- Slutty Brutus Buckeye
Get ready to go nuts with this crazy mascot. First, commit some light larceny by stealing the Brutus costume. Then, throw out everything that isn’t the head. Now wear that head and, this is important, nothing else. Also, you can’t speak. Or drink. You’re going to have a very uneventful Halloween with this outfit.
- Slutty Existential Crisis
Get philosophical with this thought provoking costume. It’s very simple: start sleeping with a bunch of people because you have come to the realization that life is pointless and we are incredibly insignificant in the grand scheme of things. We all just end up as spooky Halloween corpses in the end.
- Slutty Skeleton
Another simple outfit for people who really want to spook their holiday party. First, put your genitals into an acid-resistant bag. Have your roommate, who is still trying his best to be a chemistry major, steal about 20 gallons of Hydrochloric Acid from the chemistry department. Fill up your local body-sized stationary tub with the acid and dive in. You’ll be a skeleton, but with one extra bone.
- Slutty Feminist
Dress like a normal person and reject the pretext that your outfit is slutty. Because that is slut-shaming.
We hope that you find what you’re looking for with this list of amazing, topical ideas for your Halloween bash! Get spooky!