Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
You are equal in ripe and pungent smell.
I tend to flee when you do come my way
For fear that my stomach will be unwell.
Shall I compare thee to a winter’s night?
You are far more frigid than even that.
You claim you are only doing what’s right.
I claim that you have simply gotten fat.
Shall I compare thee to an autumn noon?
You change more than the fading shriveled leaf.
You have left my true happiness in ruin.
Breaking up with you will be great relief.
I cannot handle you a minute more.
Please leave my stuff in a box at my door.
Your eyes are like the new and morning sun,
They burned my retinas upon our first glance.
Your hair resembles golden yarn, just spun.
I’d soon be choked with it if given chance.
The way you laugh heightens all my senses,
With terror that buries me seven feet.
And for you I have spared no expenses.
Spending on you is a despaired defeat.
But there is the way in which you give care,
I say give less and I receive far more.
Above all else, your wit knows no compare.
It is duller than all others before.
Seeing you was not my idea of grand.
Time at last has come for us to disband.
Do you know who I think is really cute?
Your sister.
Do you know who is giving you the boot?
Your mister.
Do you know who has the most stunning eyes?
Your sibling.
Do you know who I think is very hot?
Your kin.
Do you know what I think is very not?
The way you make my head spin.
Do you know what truly I do despise?
Your constant quibbling.
I’m leaving you for your sister Anna.
We’re getting hitched in Havana
-Hannah Wagner, Contributor