Halloween is a time for frivolity and fun, but do we really take the time to understand the holiday? Do we really know the origins of some of our favorite Halloween traditions? Check out the real meaning of these below!
Bobbing For Apples – Who is “Bob”? And why does he like wet apples? The truth is that this tradition was created to commemorate humanity’s lifelong desire to not eat healthy food. In centuries past, eat bucket containing apples also contained one Mars Incorporated Snickers Bar, which tempted passerby to try to find it despite the grotesque red fruits lurking within. You may ask why anyone would choose to dive face-first into the water instead of rummaging around with their hands, but clearly, you have never seen the temptatious filling of nougat, peanuts, AND caramel, all wrapped up in delicately delicious layer of milk chocolate. Pick one up at your local convenience store today!
Costumes – Costumes are traditionally worn on Halloween, which is the night that the veil between this world and the next thins. Spirits are able to travel through our world with greater ease, so putting on a disguise will fool them into believing that you are one of their own. Malevolent spirits may do harm unto those who are undisguised and noticeably human, such as stealing your candy. Like Snickers. Garbage spirits. Why steal my Snickers? Why not my car keys or my banking information or like my house? Jerks.
Black Cats – The symbol of a black cat hissing into the moonlight is often seen around this time of year. In addition, black cats are known as “bad luck” year round, but why? This superstition dates back to the witch hunts, when accused witches were often found with cats living in their homes, especially black cats. They then became known as “familiars”, which are essentially demonic spirits summoned to do a witch’s bidding. So….they’re basically also the malevolent spirits….the same ones who took-wait, no, nevermind. I’m stronger than that. I’ve grown. I can move on.
Carving Pumpkins – Literally no idea.
Trick or Treat – By far the most ludicrous of Halloween’s traditions, this is the one night a year that we send small children to strangers’ houses to collect candy. Originally these candy treats were not consumed by the children in question, but instead by parents who bore them. Some modern-day families do remember and honor this tradition of saving the best of the loot for the elders. Children are the preferred gatherers of the candy, as going up to some random person’s house and asking for food is a stupid idea and you’ll probably die so no way am I doing that, man. You might think that this is a dangerous practice for the little ones and we should probably knock it off, but clearly, you have never had an orgasm while enjoying the glorious combination of nougat, peanuts, AND caramel, all wrapped up in delicately delicious layer of milk chocolate. Snickers. Oh god, it was you all along, Snickers. Why did I ever try to turn away? I’m sorry, I have to go. There’s a CVS down the street.