In preparation for the American version of Día de los Muertos, Carol ordered a “Calico Cat Kigarumi” costume. Upon receiving her package in four days even though she used Prime, Carol tried on her new look. However, she was unsatisfied stating, “You can’t even see my figure!” That evening, neighbors reported hearing Carol smashing her keyboard to figure out how return a purchase through amazon. Not one to be discouraged, she went back on the prowl for the perfect costume. Having jumped on the eBay train, Carol believed she had found her perfect outfit in the “Sassy Kitty Cat” costume. She even received a deal because it was “lightly used.” Proud of her frugality and excited to show off her hot bod, Carol was excited to showcase her new costume but was disappointed when she received a lackluster response from her friends. They were allegedly upset because she had abandoned their group costume idea of the cast of Hamilton in order to be a much more original sexy cat. This, combined with the “lightly used” stench of sex and the fact that, “My tits are completely covered!” caused Carol to return her costume once again. Carol began scouring the web in search of the absolutely best costume that would also arrive within three days. According to her browser history, at 2 am on a Tuesday, she believed she found the Holy Grail. The “Kitten of the Night” costume would arrive a day early, only for $276! Carol’s neighbors could hear peals of smug laughter as she pressed the “Buy With One Click” button. 20 minutes after she started putting on the costume, her friends received a cryptic message about how “she is so much better than all of us.We get that she’s proud of finding a costume she really likes, but she has gone as a cat for the past 3 years” On the night of the 28th, several party goers noted that at any given moment Carol could be seen shivering and whining about the cold.
–Morgan Schultz and Brian Hribar, Contributors