I had a lot of ideas for my Halloween costume this year, but because of the rigmarole of Life I ended up wearing Groucho Marx glasses and went as “Not Me.” These costumes were great ideas but just weren’t viable for me.

 

  1. Bob Ross: This costume would have been amazing because Bob Ross is totally in right now. I would have been the life of the party. You see, I was going to go to the Thrift Store and buy a light blue dress shirt and I was going to order a brown afro off of Amazon, but sometimes Life gets in the way.
  2. A Gorilla, not Harambe: This one speaks for itself. I was going to buy a gorilla costume and then go around specifying to people that I was not Harambe. It would have been perfect had Life not messed this one up for me.
  3. A Pile of Leaves: Going as a pile of leaves has always been a dream of mine. I would have hot-glued fake leaves onto a black sweatshirt and black pants; maybe even glue them to a ski mask. If I would have done this, then my party trick could have been laying on the ground: it’s too bad Life ruined it.
  4. “The Son of Man” by René Magritte: This one would have been so easy. I already have a suit and a red tie, I only needed to find a bowler hat and carried around an apple. Come on, Life, you tease.
  5. [REDACTED BECAUSE WHO KNOWS MAYBE I’LL DO THIS NEXT YEAR. BUT YOU KNOW HOW LIFE WORKS]: Man, I really would have enjoyed going as [REDACTED BECAUSE WHO KNOWS MAYBE I’LL DO THIS NEXT YEAR. BUT YOU KNOW HOW LIFE WORKS]. I could have bought the [REDACTED] straight from the website. Why must Life be so cruel.
  6. Bob, from Bob’s Burgers: There really is no excuse for why I didn’t do this one. I have a white shirt and jeans and even an apron. I would have only had to draw a mustache on my face. I guess we’ll never know Life’s mysterious ways.

–RG Barton, Staff Member