1. I don’t need to worry about my midterm tomorrow. If Donald Trump becomes President a man will tell me all I need to know!
  2. I never have to worry about the consequences of political refugees or the war on terror, because I won’t be able to vote on those issues, or any issues!
  3. I’ll never have to work again! When Trump becomes President, America can go back to the ways of the 50’s. A woman’s place is in the kitchen after all!
  4. I don’t need to mess with digging through page after page of Trump’s tax returns in an attempt to learn the tax code. After all, once Trump becomes president I won’t have income to tax. I always knew women in the workforce were a burden!
  5. No need to despair this Valentine’s Day. President Trump’s stance on gender and women’s bodies allows me to not worry about making that decision myself!
  6. Thanks to Trump’s pro-life stance, I won’t have to make that extremely personal and difficult decision, because there will be no decision to make! And according to Supreme Overlord Trump, under a #CrookedHillary reign, I would have nine whole months grappling with that decision. That’s too much!
  7. Best of all. There’s no need for me to finish any of my second writing or English courses. When Trump is in office there will always be a man to speak for me or I could just copy my papers from another, more successful and powerful woman!
  8. When Trump is president, we won’t have to deal with anymore of these annoying elections! He’ll hold office forever!

–Lauren Moliterno, Senior Staff Member and Hannah Wagner, Staff Member