Over the Halloween weekend, nearly a week away from election day, Wikileaks released yet another damning leak of emails, this time hacked from the Clinton, Trump, and Johnson campaigns. In it, political experts were shocked and dismayed to discover that Donald Trump has been associated with a self-described “hyper-brony fuckboy” special interest group on at least 437 separate occasions in the past year.
In the more recent past, the Republican candidate for the United States presidency has been criticized for his comments regarding election fraud, sexual assault, and his Democratic opponent. However, this latest wave of hacked emails may prove to be the final nail in the coffin for Trump, as now he has to answer for his hundreds of emails asking many detailed questions about meeting times for the brony support group MLP Furry Equality Foundation based in New York City, “My Little Pony” watch parties, and private “meninist” seminars.
Trump can be quoted in one of his emails with a correspondent that “Fluttershy is the best of all the ponies, and I’ve always known that, and other people, they hate her. They hate her. Odds are always stacked against her by nasty animators and Cartoon Network executives. Very sad!” In another email, two days after Christmas 2015, Trump suggested to his campaign aides that they should try to bring executive producer Lauren Faust to one of his rallies. Shortly after being told this would be impossible, Trump replied about how women are “bicthes” [sic] and are the reason why he’s always lonely.
Psychologist Dr. Barbara Shoemaker analyzed Trump’s statements for us, investigating his apparent hostility toward women and his attraction to the children’s cartoon.
“Donald Trump, in these emails, is exhibiting classic symptoms of companional nonreciprocation, colloquially known as the ‘friend zone,’” Shoemaker explains. “Increased affixation to fictional female characters, paradoxical hostility toward female acquaintances, and a perceived sense of entitlement all come hand in hand with this diagnosis.”
At least fifty other emails contained receipts for luxuriously bedazzled snapbacks and small- to medium-sized tank tops, with MLP-related designs featured on all articles of clothing. Several other emails detail how Trump believed that the Columbine tragedy could have been prevented if Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold had had access to MLP; that if Lenin could revolutionize Russia with Leninism, then he should consider changing his own name to “Menin” in his homage; and that Megyn Kelly had the “bangin’ looks” of Rarity and the “bitchiness” of Rainbow Dash.
The majority of emails regarding the Democratic candidate revealed nothing new, once again highlighting Clinton’s ties with Wall Street and her aides’ conspirations against Senator Bernie Sanders. Meanwhile, it appears that all 31 emails that have been leaked from Johnson’s inbox are simply YouTube subscription updates. Two of these emails show that Johnson searched for John Green’s “Crash Course” series, particularly episodes describing the state of the Middle East and Syria. The other twenty-nine reveal that Johnson has watched the entirety of the popular animes One Piece and Bleach from illegal accounts that upload low-resolution anime videos to the Google-owned video streaming website.
Political expert Dr. Patrick Dudek, professor of law at Rice University, is not wholly concerned with the leaks, expressing disappointed resignation at the impact it will have on undecided voters.
“I mean, is anyone honestly surprised?” Dudek reported to us. “If anyone’s on the fence, they’re honestly probably also bronies, or at the very least curious about it. Nobody’s going to change their mind because of these emails.” Dudek made a similar statement regarding Johnson’s adventures into YouTube, although he did point out that his emails were inherently tamer compared to Donald Trump’s vitriolic statements.
“Nobody’s going to be talking about Johnson’s anime preferences in two months; meanwhile, surely everybody will fondly remember Trump’s comments on his hatred for Rainbow Dash. It will affect the political atmosphere for years, I imagine.”
The Trump and Johnson campaigns did not respond to our requests for comment. They are expected to play damage control over the next week before the election.
When asked on the lack of emails from Green party candidate Jill Stein, Dudek responded: “Who?”